C'est La Vie

I think part of my dream has come true:

Working somewhere in the big city, riding the train to and fro from home, surrounded by strangers and dark circles under my eyes. I am an editor at a national television company. I am almost broke but I am excited that I am about to receive my first official pay-check as a working adult. But, I would only have just enough to barely survive for a month. But that's a part as being an adult who comes from an average, low-income family.

I like to think of myself as a young, struggling adult who is about to dive into something un-familiar and challenging, and at the same time loving and living life, and going through 'complex' issues ranging from physical to emotional and even spiritual.

That is life right? It is. It is life copying art. Because you know why? I would put in my earphones and blast music into my ears and imagine I am the main character of a tv series whose life is always very interesting to watch. The interesting part is subjective by the way. 

But seriously, I am about 35% living my dream. The next 65% would require to be in New York, or would require me to publish articles that people, the general people, would actually read and enjoy, and show my credibility as a writer. 

But you cannot have everything in life right? Well, actually, not everyone can have that privilege. I am unfortunately, one of those under-privileged few- depending on how you see my life, and depending on how I myself perceive my life.

Is everything going the way I want it? Quite. But it can be better; it can always be better.


p.s: Growing in every direction (hopefully)

Being an Adult

I think as you grow up, you will start realising things are not always how you would imagine them to be. You would probably want to go back into a cocoon where everything is safe and the only thing you are afraid of is stepping outside into the real world.

It is a daunting process, stepping into the real world. When I was a kid, I used to think that adults had it all figured out. They know all the things about life that kids do not know of. They have all the money in the world to buy stuff that they want and they can go anywhere they want and have freedom to do anything they want- and kids love that. I loved that; I fell for that lie.

I am 23 this year and I do not think that I have my life figured out just yet. I live by going through each day, stepping on egg shells hoping that I would not screw up. I am almost broke and everything that I want to have is stored on an invisible list I have created in my head. I do not have as much freedom as I thought I would. Sure I would have the freedom to choose whatever and however I live my life, but I still have issues with choosing the way I want to lead my life. Sure, freedom is of abundance, but too much freedom can kill you.

So what about being an adult is right? When can we be sure that we have grown up right? 

There is no definite answer but most would choose that the true mark of an adult is when you have a stable job, a stable income, a stable family- a stable life basically. But even stability does not mean that you have made a bench-mark in the adult world. Stable people screw up too. But of course, who doesn't? Nobody's perfect.

What I am trying to say here is adulthood is not as fun as it seems. It is a whole lot of responsibilities, a whole lot of realisations and a whole lot of growing up. One minute you are feeling young, the next you crumble and fall to the floor, too tired to move after a long day's work.

Being an adult is like being a kid- you wake up, you play (homework for kids and work for adults), you get paid (food when you were kids, money as adults), nap time, and sleep and the cycle continues; the difference is as kids, you have less responsibilities.

So I ask you, when you have responsibilities and priorities, where is the freedom that comes with being adults come from?

p.s: A grown up kid, I am.