there's this little cafe i used to frequent every weekend. i would bring my laptop, or a novel or two, and order a cheesecake, any kind of cheesecake, with a glass of orange juice, or a cup of tea or a vente of caramel frap. i didn't use to go there. but one day, when i entered the cafe, the guy behind the counter attracted me so. i fell hard for him even though i had only seen him the first time, on that day. i could've sworn i blushed, hard. i didn't know why i entered the cafe that day. i usually would just walk past it to get to my apartment but on that day, something magnetic pulled me into that small, girly, over-priced menu cafe and it was him. i believed whole heartedly it was because of him.
he had these icy blue eyes, the kinds that could penetrate into your soul. he had this thick set of black, messed up hair and sexy stubble all over his boyish face. his skin was tanned, but not too tanned. it was just the right shade of brown, get what i'm saying? gosh, was he sexy. i was queuing and when i got to the counter, he flashed me this charming smile that could melt Wolverine's adamantium skeleton. i remember stuttering when reciting what i wanted to him. i remember asking stupid questions like,
"is the coffee sweet, but not too sweet?"
"did you make the cheesecake?"
"so, what is this? your part-time aside from doing modeling for Abercrombie and Fitch?"
turns out, him working as a barista is his main source of income. turns out, he owns the cafe. turns out, he is married. turns out, his wife is amazingly, insanely beautiful, funny, smart, gorgeous, sexy, kind- everything that i am not.
the weeks before i found out he's married, i desperately tried to flirt with him and it was embarrassing. i would put on extra makeup, try on a bit more elaborate and more seductive clothing, would wear tons and tons of perfume, and i would bring intelligent books, just to show him that i was intelligent. i know i didn't have to do all those but i did anyways. i know my capabilities, my abilities, what i'm made of, my negatives and positives, and yet i went all the way to try and seduce this guy. i know i'm smart, i'm pretty enough to attract guys's attention and yet, i went all the way for him; and to find out that he's married at the end? it broke my heart. i was in a 'relationship' with him for about 6 weeks (that's the amount of time i spent at the cafe hoping that he'd notice me and talk to me. well he did notice me because i went there every weekend and we kinda had the small talk but that's it. i wanted him to notice me more, had more deeper conversations.) pathetic, right?
i suddenly have this realisation that women tend to go so far, so, so far when it comes to attracting the men of their dreams. really. it's weird. i don't consider myself a feminist but i don't support the idea of women having to subject themselves to beauty just because the men of their dreams want them to be beautiful. but here i am, or rather was, did the same thing and i feel like such an anal idiot.
therefore i will end this rather depressing, and idiotic but rather insightful post by coming up with the mantra,
"if the man of my dreams can't accept me for the way i am, then screw him!"
p.s: women empowerment.
