here you are

you're a poison

your kiss is an addiction

i can't fight even if it can save me

my mind's full of thoughts of you

the way you whole me late at night

when you whisper my name

i feel so out of sight

you're a cure

to a diseased heart

i take you like a medicine

to battle away cancers and pain

from a war i've lost before

you were there

when no one was

i feel blessed

thank you,

so much.

so here i am 

thanking you for all that you've done

holding my hand, catching my fall

healing my heart giving it your all

here's a heart for you to care

hold it tight, keep it close

don't leave me in despair

i don't want to

feel that way

anymore.

p.s: free-verse, free.

unexpected.

things don't always go our way. things that we plan can go awry and out of hand. friends become enemies, lovers become strangers, parents divorce, the person you've just seen today dies the next day. life is that: full of surprises. it has a life of its own. 

life is unexpected. live well, but be prepared for every possibilities.

p.s: remember, God has plans for each and every one of us. fate.

Candles.

if Candles has ears, it will be the best listener
if Candles has a mouth, it will be a great story-teller
if Candles has a heart, it will be a beautiful secret bearer 
if Candles has a mind, it will be a thinker
if Candles is a human, it will be unlike any other


Candles Candles Candles
stories are shared, secrets are revealed, memories are made
in the dark shine by light
friends
family 
foes
come together to share


Candles Candles Candles.




p.s: this is a dedication to Candles, a hangout place.

the experiment.

he sits by the beach alone, the breeze blowing strong and he hugs himself, rubbing his arms for warmth. the night was bright with stars shining brightly, the sound of the waves lapping on the sand sounding like symphonies. he looks up at the beautiful night sky and smiles. 


what a beautiful night,


he says to himself. 


too beautiful to be spent alone,


he thinks to himself.


he looks at the sea now and he could only make up lines of waves in the darkness. there are reflections of light on the sea but it still appears dark and mysterious, and somewhat scary. he stands up and his right leg begins to step forward. another step is taken and another until he can feel the water crashing onto his feet. 


he moves forward even more.


he goes deeper and deeper into the water. the cold makes him shiver, but he isn't scared of it. he is sure that this is what he wants to do. he lowers his body slowly into the water and slowly, it seems that the stars aren't shining as bright and his lungs are chocked from getting air. he knows he will either be greatly missed, or no one will care.


slowly, he disappears into the water, never to be found again. his experiment begins.






p.s: people you care will disappear, it's a matter of time.

that's when you know.

i have this heart

i've been saving 

for someone special

problem is

who?

i search and look

everyone else around me

looks the same

until i met you

you.

my heart yearns

it screams your face

haunts me 

every waking moment

you.

i reach out

you seem to move further

i keep on chasing

you keep on running

run.

i can't keep up

you turn around and say,

"i'm not the one,"

my heart breaks

mine.

how can you be sure

of that special someone?

when you heart speaks

feels by its own

that,

that's when you know.

p.s: love makes you feel things you can't feel.

me?

have you ever feel like sometimes, when you're in a crowd, surrounded by people both familiar and not familiar,  you're just there for the sake of being there? even when you feel an inkling sense of belonging, you feel all lost and confused. beneath your smiles and laughters, you are searching for you, your own self and as you dive deeper, you begin to find out that the people you're close with has changed you and with that as well, you have changed yourself. bit by bit, little by little, the things that make oneself, one, corrodes and is replaced by personalities developed by those you've come into contact with.

so ask yourself this, in a secluded, quiet place in the dead of the night, who are you really? because honestly sometimes, the person we thought we are, aren't really us at all.

p.s: sometimes, i don't know who i really am anymore.

mahu berkawan

dah kenapa kau begitu

mana pergi janji-janji dahulu

lenyap ditelan masa kah

di campak ke dalam laut kah

di tanam di dasar pasir kah

ke engkau sudah lupa

atau sahaja tidak mahu ingat?

hehh

benar kata orang

orang mudah berubah

dan lupa

ya memang aku kecil hati

kau jadi begini

bila sudah dapat yang baru

yang lama kau campak dalam perigi

sibuk jangan dijadikan alasan

jika kau benar ikhals mahu berkawan

cari masa

aku sudah lakukan tugas aku

engkau pulak diam seribu bahasa

nak harap aku seorang?

lupa kan sahaja

aku punya limitasi kesabaran

fahami lah aku seperti mana

engkau mahu aku fahami diri engkau

sudah lah

aku kecil hati

end of story.

p.s: tolong lah, #terasa

5th semester

after 4 months of break, my 5th semester finally commenced last Monday. twas good seeing the old faces and the new ones. i feel whole again, somehow. i'm not expecting much this semester for last semester had been a living, breathing nightmare i dare not to screw this sem up. thus, i'm not expecting much. so far classes are fine. the only 2 classes i'm looking forward to this sem are both literature classes. well, the other is literature-ish since it's about creative writing and all. 

life's been well too, alhamdulillah. i'm happy; content to say the least. i'm all up for saving this semester. i want new clothes. i need new clothes. 

i think that's all for now i guess. nothing much is up really. oh the other day i watched Contagion. twas a really good movie. if any of you have the chance to watch it, please do. 

p.s: promises are for keeps, and to be broken.

tarian

tarian, 

sudah biasa ku sendiri

sekarang sudah ditemani

maka tari 

sudah tidak seorang

dan aku sudah berteman

tidak lagi ku berasa hilang

sebab ada nya engkau

ku mampu mencari

emosi hilang ditelan masa

dimakan hati

tarian,

sekarang sudah berteman

corak langkah ku berbeza

alunan pergerakan sudah bertukar

tidak lagi ku menari

untuk diri ku seorang

emosi pun dikongsi

setiap senyuman, setiap

titis air mata, setiap kesempurnaan

setiap kesilapan

berdua sekarang

tidak lagi ku seorang

tarian,

ku menari, engkau menari

kita terus menari

hilang di dalam pergerakan

dipekak kan alunan musik

di buta kan emosi

di bisu kan oleh hati

menari, menari, menari

sehingga nafas terhenti,

sehingga pergerakan mati.

p.s: movements.

an ending to a love story

memories of you disappear

though some still linger here

in my heart is where you'll stay

snugged and tucked in a darken lair

feelings sealed in a metal vault

wrapped by muscles, hidden by blood

all i want is for the world to know

how you've broken my heart and let me go

so easily without remorse

you've left me cold without a cause

i shivered till i couldn't see the story i have to live

right in front of me even without you, standing 

next to me

leaving me all alone here

waiting for you to come and make

things clearer but you've moved

so far, far, away

chocking on dust i sit and stare

as you walk away, without despair

and now here i am standing strong

the thoughts of you like a song

that comes to mind when i'm alone

but what i'll do is smile and laugh

because baby you've moved on from me

and so i should do the same

no more promises broken shall be made

shall be kept between you and me

for i have learnt one valuable thing

you're no longer a part of the air i breathe

we can still be friends and pretend

as if nothing's happened between you and i

but i'll remember things in past

that made me happy with you once upon a time

only cause pain and heart-ache for now

so best leave things the way they are

i'll come and see you when the scars

are gone and fixed and dry

i love u once, and i love u still

but this is too much to bear i'll die

so good bye for now

till we meet again, someday, somehow.

p.s: morbid, isn't it? haha

freefall

i jumped out of a plane somehow

without balloons and parachutes and all

i closed my eyes to God i pray

i hoped and prayed a lot 

that you'd be there to catch my fall

without wings i am falling

back into your arms again

where everything's safe and sound

even a wound's not a pain somehow

you make me do the craziest things but

i'll free fall for you baby, again and again

my thoughts fly up into the sky

my smile goes for miles and miles 

when i decide to love you honey

that's when i decided to try

free falling away, away passing the 

blue blue skies and fluffy white clouds

free falling without flying

just going down and down passing

stars, clouds, skies and planes

so i'll be in your arms once more

free falling for your love with my heart

full with the thoughts of you

the things i'd do for the love of you

p.s: weird, huh? haha

a month worth of hello's

it's been more than a month i haven't been updating something in this blog. first and foremost, selamat hari raya aidilfitri, maaf zahir dan batin guys. i know i've done you guys wrong, a whole lot of wrong, and please forgive me. i'm human, i make mistakes, but i learn from them. well, sometimes i repeat them out of idiocity but that's just me.

ramadhan twas a hectic month, full of drama. life can be so stressful with family sometimes. i can't escape anywhere so most of the time i was cooped up at home, surrounded by noise and drama and happiness. life at home isn't so bad, but too much of it can definitely kill. 

i definitely can't wait for classes to resume next week! seeing friends, making jokes, sharing laughter, creating drama, stressed out about assignments. i feel dead without all those things. the new kids are coming in, i'm excited about that too. gosh, i feel old. i'm in semester five of my studies and i feel like, this too shall pass.

i think i've lost my writing abilities a little bit. i get inspired and pumped up to write about something and then the motivation just dissipates. frustrating. i've written a few lyrics too. but they suck. like seriously, they suck. i can't do rhymes. makes me think how i'd do in creative writing class. 

my nearly 4 months study break is nearly coming to an end. what i have learnt from this break are: 

• friends are an important commodity in life, especially those you get along so well with. they are light, they make more sense in life when life has lost all its sense.
• 
  
• spending too much time with family can drive one up the wall.
• 
  
• too much free time leads to the spamming of other people's timeline on Twitter.
• 
  
• families quarrel with each other, but at the end of the day, things will go back to the way they are.
• 
  
• working life does teach you something: it makes you think about the future, what you can do and what you cannot, what you should and shouldn't do. 
• 
  
• some adults just don't grow up. well, their mentality just don't grow.
• 
  
• when one has the chance, broaden the horizon and knowledge by going somewhere. it'll make you appreciate life more. 
• 
  
• food IS fattening when taken in excess.
• 
  
• health is of utmost importance. stay healthy. 
• 
  
• internet connects, blackberry is life, hp sometimes goes dead when people call. technology helps, technology is also a pain.
• life is short.

so forgive, but don't forget. well in my opinion really.

a whole new chapter of my life is about to begin. would you want to be a part of that? take my hand and let our journey start.

p.s: when something ends, something else starts.