Tell Me I'll Make It.

I am typing this as I am trying (desperately) to keep my eyes open. The heavy rain has stopped, but the sky is still gloomy.

And I hate how the weather can accurately describe how I am feeling right now.

I am still searching for that break- to become a writer, and the search so far has not bear fruit. This is a lame sentence right? I don't think I am cut out to become a writer. I have become empty, desperate and on the verge of crying, waiting for calls from perspective publishing companies or any writer positions that I have applied for.

None have called back. Well, there was this report writing gig for a feng-shui company but she has not called yet. It is Monday and I went for the interview last week and no, they haven't called. So I guess it is another no.

I have an interview with Zalora tomorrow for a writer's position too; well, something like that. It is more technical in a sense but I hope I get it. Hope is an understatement as many employers have decided to shoot me down. I'm kinda seeing this Zalora thing as a last hope, the only light at the end of the tunnel after a hiatus of emails from companies I applied for.

I can't even begin to tell you how badly I want another job- one that is writing related. It is not the glamour I'm chasing, nor the salary (well I kinda am chasing the salary. Life's tough without money now), I just want satisfaction, and fulfillment.

I don't know what's God's plans for me but I hope somewhere down the line, my future in the writing industry opens up.

Oh look, the sky's beginning to really clear up. 

p.s: Hoping, wishing and praying.

#TheMelets

Liyana Othman- Texas, the closed chicken rice shop in Section 16, DIYs, cakes and doodles, loud laugh with tears pouring out of one's eyes, baju kurung with sneakers, Naza Ria, American Mercedez (is it a Mercedez? haha), Mak Biah, Faridah Krueger, Lite.fm

Nur Ain Zubaidah- The All American Rejects, Hansons, addiction to books, "balang", over use of hand gestures, sepet eyes, baking, bookstores, non-committed relationship with spicy food, "Is it done? Is it done?", emotional

Atiqah Syafawati- DotA, doodle, late nights at the bus-stop, grocery hunting, emotion-sharing sessions, internal jokes, script writing, acting, imaginations and dreams, excessive dieting,

Nur Shaliana- batik Hungga (correct me if I'm wrong haha), beadings, DIY, fabulous baju kurungs, excessive use of hand-gestures, wife-material, loyal daughter, money saver, Klang, 

Ezzah Amani- big eyes, innocence, K-Pop, smart, American slang, fast-talker, blur, studious, 

Wan Zulaikha- Nabila Huda (yes, the actress), fierce and soft( paradox I know), stationary provider, iPhone and Nokia phone, volleyball, swearing, assistant class-rep,

Ahmad Naim- big, annoying, loud voice, mature, rational, great cook, Pulau Kambing, Terengganu, cuddly, advice-giver, ETHOS!, drama, leader, hard-worker, Bliss drink, dinosaur doll, 

Nur Fatimah Au'zir- cute, big-eyes, flirty and sexy (LOL), inability to draw, good (and expensive) food, Kancil, firm, fashion-forward, Lady Gaga's Cherry Cherry Boom Boom, Beach Friends

Nudiya Idswa- actress, diva, kind, Indie books, guitar, Christina Perri's Arms, emotional, the bench in front of Block T under the tree, Sri Manjung, emotional, BlackBerry, Beach Friends

Amir Rashad- Japan, classical music, Section 9, British accent, desire to win every argument, annoying, funny, random, boredom without, kinky, apple pies, proper eating etiquette, sisters! Beach Friends, 

Nur Atiqah- doodles, Scorpio, make-up, cute, SMK Seksyen 7,quoting song lyrics on Twitter, bright colours, peacock shawl, emotional,

Wan Nurul Jannah- K-Pop, IMR.fm, big eyes, out-spoken, emotional, creativity, DIYs, hot cousin (HAHA), a certain ex, choreography, make-up, SMK Seksyen 7

Faiz- annoying, mature, drama, deep voice, Friso Gold Song, Miley Cyrus, scandals, nasik goreng ayam without veggies, place to pour out feelings, Taiping, family, DotA, sleep-monster, 

Akmal- Dikir Barat, retis, great presentation about his father, DotA master, volleyball, Karoot Komedia,  

Muhammad Syafirudin (sorry if I've mispelt your name)- drama, acting, stage, Adobe skills, the word "entrepreneur", UiTM coffee, Section 3 McDonald's, money,

Izyan Husna- Yuna, guitar, soft voice, Prida, pretty, thin, laid-back and cool fashion, fragile, effortless get-up

Kyeriah Husna- tough, gravely voice, dance, aerobics, tuition teacher, sporty, hot guy during semester 3 drama practice (LOL)

Ira Syaqira- IMR.fm, Dr. Hanim, Kembara, family-oriented, Section 9, K-Pop, tough, volleyball, 

Siti Marhanis- food, Mdm. Shiha, kecil-kecil cili padi, Swift, evergreen songs, house break-in, My Heart Will Go On, Suri-ram, Suri-ram,  

Muhammad Nazif- businessman, cars, Kelantan, perseverance, Nad Penguin, that night at DE with Ikah,

and other things that remind me of you guys that I have trouble remembering. Candles, random-outings, Besut, NSTP, Mdm Rosalind, drama class, classes with drama, internal and external drama, standing up against Dydy (LOL), the semester with The Queen, Mdm Shiha, Abang Shar, Mr.Kieran, movies in class, YOLO: Life Is ART 

I truly miss you guys. 

p.s: Forever #TheMelets

                    

What Do I Want?

Then life slides into its tenth month of the year.

I'm turning 23 next month if God wills it. 

So far, going into the third month on the job, I already miss my friends. I feel nostalgic and melancholy at night thinking about the past, being carefree and random with them. 

Life now has become routine. Such an insatiable appetite to live everyday the same way, day in, day out, seeing the same faces and doing the same thing over, and over again. It has become dull and I yearn to find something else to do, and escape from the mundane-ism that is life now.

I have become very restless and anxious because I know somehow or rather that I am not doing what I have pictured myself doing. I know it is unfair for me to say these things, and I should not be feeling this way; I am young and I have a few steps to go but already I feel unfulfilled. 

The hardest question I have ever faced these few months is, "What do you want actually?" and this was asked by a lady who interviewed me for a writing stint in a company.

I was stumped. 

And every single time the question resonates in my head, I get the same reaction from myself.

p.s: 2014 in 2 months.