life so far.

hey. it's been awhile. everything's falling into place the very last minute and it isn't necessarily a good thing. i hate the fact that every deadline is close to each other that there's no place left for a little breather. even if there is, it's pretty a small space. i should be thankful that there's that still a tiny little place to breathe.

anyways, i think, i wanna be a writer like for real, for real. the drama coach has been giving rave reviews about the script i had written with my friends haki and etong. it's a really good form of intrinsic motivation. no one's been THAT excited about a script written by 3 young people who have absolutely no idea about writing except writing through our blog. still, the idea of getting such rave reviews for the script means a highly anticipated performance from my drama group. so, no pressure there.

i suppose being a student has its perks you know. having fun with friends, living with friends, having no money (unless you're a child of someone rich), the post-adolescent dramas- all fun, fun, fun, fun!

love? what is this love?

i try not to think about that too much. i'm still pretty much not over my ex yet. getting there, but not really there, you know what i mean? i just need time. some more time. i don't know when i'll be ready for it again but i guess when the time comes, i shall know; i guess. for now though, being single is ok. kinda confusing but ok.

oh! getting back to writing, i really wanna do it like, professionally you know. not writing about facts or what not. i wanna write something artsy or something that can project a message of mine or how i feel about life. i watched the king's speech and i must say the script was amazing. i guess i need some more time and experience and whole lot of lessons and learning to enable myself to write such a marvelous script.

i guess that's it. sorry for not writing something rather insightful. i've got a few insightful topics right inside my noodle right now but i'm not really in the mood of writing those topics. will be writing bout them later on, hopefully.

p.s: i wanna typewriter for my 21st birtday. 

meow.

this is a post about home; inspired by the "i love borneo" theme during last night's poem recital competition.  

meow. [Kuching]

as the name resounds

so alien and foreign

to people from other lands.

meow.

the sound echoes in my head,

driving memories into my heart.

nostalgic gazes into the past,

with little hope and much history.

meow.

there goes that sound again.

so familiar, so warm, and kind.

so close to me,

so close to my soul.

meow.

there go those faces,

so happy and sad, their hands are waving,

waving at me.

and i waved back.

and unconsciously i said

meow.

meow.

home, you'll always be.

[Kuching], home.

you'll always be a part of me.

p.s: i miss kuching.

art is....

last night i went to this really cool hangout spot with a friend but that place was rather expensive-the food and drinks, but the atmosphere was cool and all. anyways, my friend and i, we were there because he wanted to listen to people reciting poems or something. i just tagged along. actually i wanted to listen to the poem reciting thingy too.

now before the poem reading/reciting/competition started, there were these two singaporean dudes who performed first. and boy was their performance a weird one! this one guy was reading poems from his book or personal diary of sorts while the other was playing/controlling music of epic weird-ness proportions. then i looked around and i see those so-called artsy people's faces- some were contorting, some were nodding, some had their eyes closed, others were looking down on the floor while i had this blank, confused stare. am i not getting the subliminal messages that he had oh-so-carefully written down in his book?

it's funny what some people consider as art. it's funny and weird and perplex. it's just plain.... weird. am i too stupid or inartistic or not abstract enough to see what i am seeing and to hear what i am hearing as fabulous works of poetry? 

i think, from this experience, i have learnt something new about myself. i'm not modern, i'm not old. i'm not cool but i'm not necessarily uncool either. i'm neither weird nor am i described as being typically sane. i'm not artsy but at least i know what's good and what's not good. i'm not abstract but i think my mind's abstract enough for my own good. i'm the in-between guy. caught in the middle. that's me.

i think people fall into labels. every single one of us. we fall. we are stereotyped. we get out of one label and into the next sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously. we are being labeled with or without our knowledge. i think what separates a label of a person from the next one is the degree or intensity of that label which somehow has got to do with how one thinks, looks, reacts etc..

it's a funny world we live in. cruelly funny.

p.s: art is subjective. thus, abstract.

little us

it came and conquered

without mercy

taking away everything.

it came and destroyed

without sorry

cities disappearing

impossible it became for breathing.

it came and disappeared

without feeling guilty

it left us bewildered

scrambling and in awe

it left us wondering

how little we are

in God's mighty eyes.

p.s: every little moment is life changing. to Japan and those who are affected by the recent disasters, my heart, thoughts and prayers are for all of you. may God protect us all.

war.

love's a war 

some lose

some win

love's a war

with no endless suffering

love's a war

some survive

some parish

love's a war

with many casualties

love's a war

some hope

some dream

love's a war

with many possibilities

love's a war

some get hurt

some get healed

love's a war

with many participants

love's a war

of complex proportions

love's a war

with no instructions

love's a war

of epic emotions.

i must

i must grow more mature.

i must study less and learn more.

i must be calm and not stress so much.

i must learn to think less.

i must learn the art of being selfish.

i must learn to save my money.

i must learn to use my time wisely.

i must realize that the real world is cruel.

i must always remember that life is fair.

i must be more aware of the things around me.

i must must eat less.

i must lose weight.

i must learn to become a better person.

i must save the environment, even if it is in the smallest of ways.

i must spend time with everyone when i can.

i must learn to accept the past, be aware of the present and be prepared for the future.

i must learn to never regret the past.

i must always remember God.

p.s: yeah, there are many things i should learn.

it never comes back

it goes away

and it never comes back

how cruel it is

to never find its way back

it goes away 

and never looks back

how evil it is

to not even glance back

it goes away

and never regrets

how malicious it is 

to not even feel regret

it goes away

and is never replaced

oh! how stupid we are

to think that it can ever be replaced

it goes away

without us noticing

how silly we are

to have not been noticing

it goes away

without us even caring

how selfish we are

to not even give a damn

it goes away

it is never going to come back

so before you regret

start to appreciate

trust me

it will never come back

no matter how much you yearn

it will never come back.

it will never come back.

p.s: memories, i wish i can just ......