9-11

last night, before i went to sleep, my roommate and i were watching videos on youtube. some of the videos we watched were of videos from the 9-11 tragedy. though it happened approximately 10 years ago, the videos still manage to send chills going down my spine. the thing that bothered and struck me most about the videos were of people hanging out from their offices' windows located hundreds of feet off the ground and some of them were so desperate to escape the flames and smoke engulfed building that they jumped out of them and falling and falling and falling. there was this one video that showed 5 people jumping from one of the buildings one after the other.

what got me so upset after that were the thoughts of: "what were they thinking? what did they feel? did they think about hope? survival?"

in a way, the videos have made me realize how very short our time is on earth. those people, they thought that 9-11-2001 was gonna be another boring, routine, as-usual-working-day and suddenly everything changed. planes started crashing into both buildings. fire, smoke, screaming, dying. death. the end. 

in a split second, your whole life changes. it was not only the victim's families who were affected but ultimately the whole world suffered the loss and also suffered the consequences of the attacks. it was brutal. hundreds of lives were lost on that fateful day. and millions others were changed. forever.

for the first time in my life i'm actually scared about living. fearing the uncertainties and the unknown. life is so short. very short. 

p.s: if today was your last day on earth, what will you do?

sharing.

i like to look at people and things around me. i like to think about what they are thinking or why something ends up the way they are. how the past shapes the present and how the present will ultimately decided the future. i like to look at people as i am talking to them. i like to know what they think. ultimately, i like to talk and listen. i like sharing. just exchanging thoughts. opinions too.

i like people. not all people. but i like people enough to not be a loner. i like my personal space but i like to talk with people too. people can surprise you with their thoughts and feelings. i like to know what a person feels and thinks. their thoughts and feelings can make me think too.

maybe that's why people seem to think i'm talkative. i'm not talkative. i just like to say what i think. there's a difference. i guess. a tiny difference. sometimes i don't share with people my thoughts and opinions and feelings. that's why i write. i like writing. no, i love writing. writing is, everything to me. i know i'm not that good of a writer but yeah, i love writing. it keeps me sane once in a while.

i like sharing, i like talking and listening, i love writing.

p.s: have an awesome March. 

post BM pertama ;)

biarkan ku berbicara

tentang hati dan jiwa

sayang dan cinta 

adalah dua perkara berbeda

tapi yang mana satu

lebih berharga?

bagi diriku

dua-dua nya sama pentingnya

tidak kira siapa anda

perasaan sayang dan cinta

sentiasa terkubur di dalam jiwa

dan tertanam di dalam minda

sayang dan cinta 

adalah dua perasaan berbeza

tidak kira siapa anda

dua perasaan itu tidak sama

tapi dua itu tetap ada

di dalam jiwa dan minda.

p.s: ok my BM's lame. it's been awhile since i've written properly in BM. 

moving on?

how can you tell that you've totally moved on from something? what do you actually feel? what are the signs that you have moved on? how do you really know that you have moved on?

in my humble opinion, i think, at some degrees,  we haven't actually really moved on from something. you see, the thing that we want to move on will forever be stuck at the back of our minds. try as we might to forget it, the memories are still there. the only that disappears bit by bit are emotions. emotions that cloud us in the past will slowly be eroded by time. but even then, at some specific time, those feelings will emerge again. 

have i truly moved on from something? no. i don't think so. i am a thinker. whatever significant things that happened to me in the past i will not forget easily. 

i don't know how to handle the past that well. those feelings involved during the past they like to make a surprise entrance. i need to learn how to control those feeling. if i can't, i don't know if i could ever live properly. they say time heals the pain. to some extend that is true but how much it actually heals the pain no one knows. even me. i don't really know how much pain will go away as time passes.

moving on is not easy but it gets easier day by day.

p.s: busy week ended but i don't feel like the burden have been totally lifted up just yet.

the Queen

she walks in

with a golden crown

on her head

and as she smiles

we watch her

golden crown and all

looking and staring

her eyes growing

bigger

and 

bigger.

her Barbie doll like smile

casting fear

and disgust within us all

then she starts talking

and we all nod.

nods of disapproval

spread across the room

like wildfire

she questions us

with an alien slang

but we are silent even when we are silent

she wants only her own voice

echoing 

dominating

she is the Queen after all

the Queen with a golden crown

with dark roots

as dark as her eyes

as dark as the moon

not shone by sunlight.

life is fair.

everything in life is fair. why think the opposite? God is wise and fair. He is. look, here are proofs that He is fair.

there are unattractive and attractive people.

there are smart and not-so-smart people.

there are rich people and there are poor people.

there are talented people and there are not-so-talented people.

for every death there is life.

seems a tad unfair right? but this is just the surface. why don't we get a closer look.

unattractive people tend to be with attractive people.

smart people have more complicated lives than not-so-smart people.

rich people are not as happy as poor people.

talented people tend to be constantly weighed with expectations while the-not-so-talented people can have room for improvements and surprise people.

still think life's unfair?

well just think about this. God creates flaws and advantages within us humans for reasons beyond our comprehension. sometimes i too wonder why am i the way i am. but when i look back at my life, certain things that i think were pretty unfair before starts to make sense. some of things i lack-off are slowly being replaced and some of the things i have advantages on are slowly slipping away from me. 

i used to think that life's unfair. but God isn't human. God is far greater. He knows what He's doing. whatever weaknesses we have we cover them with our strengths. isn't that fairness in all its glory? what other people may have we may not have but what we have other people may not have them.

life is fair. fair if u start thinking really hard about it.

p.s: getting through.

there goes the time

tick tock

the time is flying

and 

no one seems to mind

as 

it wonders

aimlessly

away.

tick tock

the time is flying

without

a second guess

as

it disappears

at 

a moment's notice

tick tock 

the time is flying

before 

a minute 

goes by

it has already 

disappeared

into thin 

air

tick tock

the time is flying

do you even 

notice?

the time

flying

do you even care?

the time

is flying

with

or

without you

caring

or 

noticing

tick tock

the time is

flying.