27 April 2011

stepping away.

take a step
into the unknown
leave the comfort
and familiarity
behind.

take a few steps
to appreciate
the past
take a few more 
steps
to move on.

take some more 
steps
and leave
the oh-so distant past
take a few more steps
into the unknown

take a step
away from the present
and into 
the future.

take steps.

you know what to do
take them
don't be afraid
just step
one, two, and three
and you will be
in a whole new place
with brand new feelings
and thoughts
and 
dreams.

steps.


p.s: walking away.

conscience

hello A.J. this is your conscience speaking. 

how are you? well, i know i shouldn't be asking you that question but i just want to know. you're fine? good. i have something important to tell and share with you. could you care to listen to me? no, it's not going to take that much time really. this is something important, really important. this is regarding your life.

o.k. i can see that you're quite suffering lately. these past few days has been intense hasn't it? on your emotional status especially. i pity you A.J. why are you torturing yourself like this? what good is going to come out of torturing yourself this way? i know you are still in love with your ex and that you can't really let go but it's time that you take the necessary steps. i know, i know. there are so many things around you that remind you of the past and yeah it is easier said than done, but you know what A.J, you had gone through his before right?

you did. i remembered. you remembered. you went through this before A.J. you will get through this as well. it's time to create a new chapter for yourself A.J. stop looking back at the past now. it's time to look forward. there are other people, your friends, family who will keep you company.

you'd get through this A.J. you will. have faith. be patient. be strong. stop crying. open your heart and eyes and mind. you will get through this.

at the end of the day, you'd learn to smile and walk away. and then, you'd look back at this moment one day and you'd laugh your ass off. the past is the past A.J. no point dragging it into the future. it's time to make new memories. a whole new story, chapters upon chapters, are waiting for you A.J. don't let them wait. take your chances. after all, time is precious A.J. don't waste it on someone who's broken your heart. instead, invest the time on someone who wants to care for it.

i know you still need time but how long A.J? how long? A.J. let me tell you something. we only live once. every single second is precious. every single second gone is never going to come back to you. don't waste your time A.J.

you can do this A.J. learn from the past. look back at what you went through to get this far. now, just take some more steps and you'll go even further. just show that person what that person is missing. c'mon A.J. stop crying. don't torture yourself like this. you will be stronger because of this A.J. 

keep calm A.J, and move on.



yours sincerely,

your conscience.



p.s: thank you conscience. i'll mark your words.

moved.

he entered his darkened room and sat on his bed while he stared out the window. the night was starless and empty, like him. he stared and he stared until he realized a vibration. it was his phone. it blinked and it blinked and it blinked. he scooped the phone up, saw the name on the screen. the phone vibrated in his grip. he swung his arm and threw the phone at a wall. the phone smashed into pieces.

like his heart.

the boy now shifted his gaze to the wall then to his smashed phone on the floor. he can only see little from the light oozing from his lava lamp but he could still see the damaged done. then the boy broke down and cried. he lay on his bed and cried. his hands were covering his face while his body shivered. not because of the cold, no, but because of the emptiness in him. 

when he stopped, he removed his hands from his delicate face and stared at the ceiling. it was empty too. though what was the point staring at the ceiling he cannot comprehend, he knew however that by staring at the ceiling his mind and heart calmed down a little bit. the ceiling was empty too.

like the night sky and his heart.

he smiled and suddenly the tears stopped. he removed his gaze from the ceiling and he stared long at the starless night. he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, opened his eyes and breathed out. he smiled. for the first time in months, he felt that his smile was honest this time, not something forced. for the first time in months, his heart was contend, his thoughts simplified, his soul calm.

then a star appeared.

the boy smiled while looking at it and he mouthed, "thank you," and then he lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling for sometime before he fell into a deep slumber and never to wake up again from it.






p.s: fix me.

25 April 2011

when the weather matters.

the weather
the bad weather 
the raining type
is mocking me
insides.


why does the weather
matter?
when the heart is sick
as sick as the weather
when the eyes
are wet as rain
and the heart is as gloomy
as the sky?


why does this weather
matter?
when the heart seems to
bother
that is when the weather 
matters
when the weather
imitates the heart
and the heart
imitates the weather


that is when
the weather matters.




p.s: me.

relationships.

we are all connected in one way or another. be it by date of birth, name, history, future, present, family, friends, foes- we are all connected. these connections, when you think about them, makes life more interesting. the bonds that bind us with other people, it's surprisingly, full of characters. the bonds are either complicated or simple, loyal or full of betrayal, shitty or good etc.

like our characters, our relationships are sometimes based on how we behave, on how we view the world and on how we want things to be. our relationships with people can change, like our characters too. well, actually, depending on our characters. sometimes the relationships change because the person changes or you yourself have changed. 

like people, relationships change too.

relationships either go forward, backwards, or they remain stagnant. some relationships improve, some deteriorate some unchanged. depending on the people too because relationships change when the people decide where they want to take the relationship to.

relationships are not games. relationships are serious. they guide you somehow with your life. it makes your life worthwhile and sometimes relationships can be such an ass. relationships can make you happy, relationships can make you cry, relationships can make you sick, relationships can heal, relationships complicates, relationships simplify.

relationships require sacrifices. relationships sometimes require a change in character. relationships sometimes don't go according to plan. they sometimes go away from the plans. then, the relationships change and so is our lives.

but i guess there are some things that relationships doesn't change that much: feelings, emotions, thoughts. oh well not all relationships you have, some. some. some. some things just don't change. relationships change. but on certain cases, the things in the past, feelings and emotions especially, they don't change.

they remain the same, on certain cases.

and like us, relationships are not perfect. you know why? because we are the relationships and the relationships reflect us-who we are. since our actions, personalities, our life is involved in the relationships, sometimes the relationships define who who we are.

relationships are undefinable. 

i'm rambling. this is just my point of view. it's kinda crappy and i think too much and spend a great deal amount of time thinking about unnecessary things. sigh.


p.s: there you'll be.

24 April 2011

the literature lesson

the click-clack of her shoes echoed down the hallway. she walked with such confidence and poise that she may came across as arrogant to people who may not know her. sadly, those people are not wrong on their first judgment of her. her golden hair bounced with easy as her feet stabbed the smooth concrete beneath her. she was about to enter her class. books and papers in her expensive bag and her phone on her hands, she opened the door to the classroom, stepped inside it, and closed the door behind her.

the initial noise and liveliness of the class disappeared, melted away with the heat of the afternoon sun leaving no trace of the presence of sound and fun present in the class before she stepped in. they became silent, stoic, lifeless.

"o.k class!" her soft, shrilly voice echoed through the room and with that strange accent of hers, the students just stared at her in awe. she placed her bags and phone on her desk and stood in front of the class and observed her classroom, her babies. she liked to think of her students that way. babies, children, kids. she liked the idea that she was helping them to grow and prosper into mature, responsible young adults.

"helo students. my name is .... and i'm going to teach you literature. first before we begin with today's lesson, let me ask you. wha' is lit-er-at-chuh?" 

her emphasis on the word literature left bitter taste on some of the students' ears as their face contorted with amazement at her accent. not only that, they were awed by her whole being. the immaculate way of her dressing, the golden hair that falls so neatly on her shoulders, her big, round eyes and her poutty red lips, her tall, slender body made her look more of a model rather than a teacher. she scanned around the room with her big, round eyes hoping for a volunteer but no one dared to raise their hands until the smallest girl slowly lifted her scrawny little arms, stood up and said,

"literature is love,"

"name please, miss."

"lexa, madam."

"thank you lexa. you may sit. tanyone else-t? agreement? disagreement?"

a boy with curly hair raised up his hand and said,

"literature is..." as arthur was about to complete his sentence, an unfamiliar song plagued the room. her eyes grew bigger and she reached for her phone and answered it. she whispered into the phone while arthur stood at his place clueless while the class was in an awkward silence. she finally stopped whispering to her phone and placed the phone back on her table where it belong.

"so you. wha' do you have to say about literature?"

"literature is poems and stories, history,"

"name please, mister."

"arthur, madam."

"thank you arthur. tanyone else-t? the last person, perhaps?" she nodded her head while saying this while scanning the room.

this time, a boy of bright red coloured hair stood up, looked confidently at the teacher in the eye and said

"literature is life, madam."

"good. what is your name?"

"jason, madam."

"you're my favorite jason-t! here, here's a gold-t star for you!" she rummaged through her bag of velvet-skin leather and pulled out a box which inside it lay 10 goldstars.

"jason-t!" she called out, beaming proudly. jason was hesitant at first but then he confidently walked towards her and received a goldstar from her, with a light patting on the head. jason went back to his sit quietly while the classmates stared, mouths agape.

"someone-t said," she began "that there is no wrong or right in literature. well, that only holds true if you have evidence to support your claims."

a little brown colored hair girl jenna raised her hand to ask a question but was ignored by her. she continued on with her, lecture.

"literature is about expressions, thoughts, creativity! but you will not learn all that in MY class. NO." she said this with a sly smile on her face. "you are going to learn literature my way. listen to my ideas, my points and i will guarantee you an A in your tests and quizzes if you remember what i say."

the class fell silent. jenna raised her hand again.

"yes, little girl?" she said, her face contorting softly into slight anger and annoyance.

"does this mean... does this... mean... that our ideas are not accepted if we have a different say about the literature piece?"

"you can try but make sure you have evidence, strong evidence, to support your claim. or else, it t'all will be wasted effort." she said, and smiled, a very deep, meaningful smile at jenna. jenna was glued to her seat, speechless.

"o.k class, today's lesson, we will begin on a poem called..."

the lesson went on that day with little noise and participation from the students. they were quiet. only a few said some things and even those things were shot down by her. the class ended that day with resentment from students. when she glided her way out of the class, the students made their usual noise, but this time, the noises they made were sounds of disappointments and anger.

"how can she teach us literature like this?" one boy said.

"this is unfair! i wanted her to listen to my point of view and she shot me down!" said jenna.

"this is not literature class! she can't be teaching us literature this whole year round! what will we learn? what will we learn?" cried arthur.

"you guys wanna know what i learnt from her today about what literature is?" asked jason to his classmates. they all turned to him and then jason said, "literature is dead and death."

the class grew solemn and quiet and literature has never turned out to be so lifeless.

and their literature lessons continued on with her for the remaining year and the situation, atmosphere, remained unchanged. literature is dead, they say. literature is dead.


p.s: exaggerated truth makes a good story.

23 April 2011

a happy ending

there were once a couple, who wanted to live happily ever after with each other but their dreams never did come true. they separated. changed. friends. strangers. they became.

their history were like any other couple who were in love. they loved each other very much. countless of texts, mid-night calls, random calls, sad stories, happy stories, random stories, stories about life, stories about faith, stories about love, fights, arguments- they shared everything together. 

they knew each other; grew comfortable that their actions were predictable to each other. they were entwined with each other so much so that their hearts beat at the same rhythm. they were in love. they were happy, contented, hopeful.

but like some love stories, they ended. just like that.

what happened to be a sweet couple, became no more than just friends. what became of soul mates and companions, became no more than just friends. what became of an important person, became no more than just friends. worse, some became strangers.

so what happened?

life happened. 

they became friends, they acted like friends, they are friends. their hearts no longer beat at the same rhythm. gone are the late-night calls, heart-to-hearts texts, the sharing. gone. 

the things they did, that made them happy, that made them a couple, remained in the past while they are in the present, contemplating the future. one person will definitely move on faster than the other. that sometimes happen. or always happens. depending on your historical context on life. 

but fret not. some couples do get back together in the end but do fret for those who didn't and one person cannot seem to be able to move on. pity. such pity.

sometimes, to reach a happy ending, a fairy-tale ending, a person has to go through major rejections and failures. some didn't have to though, they were the fortunate few. some at the end of the day will find their happy ending. but pity those who gave up so easily.

pity.

be patient, your happy ending may just be on your way.


p.s: it's been a while since i've written a story. maybe i should write some more. maybe, maybe.