who am i?

i'm not the same person i was 4-5 years ago. i have realized i have changed; for good and bad. i'm not the same person i was 5-6 years ago. my mind has changed. my heart too. sometimes, i don't even know who i am anymore. i wonder if the person i am now is original or a fake; a mixture of both? 

i don't know. sometimes i just don't feel like i'm me. it's like, i feel like, i'm someone else. in this body. and my personality's made out of layers and layers of what i have gained and seen and experienced from people. sometimes i feel lost. i don't know who i really am. it's like, sometimes, i wonder, if the person i am now is the real me, or is real even. 

sometimes, i lose purpose, and focus too. when i feel like that, i feel like, i'm a zombie. just walking, breathing. not really living. i'm just here. here. existing.  

i don't know why i'm writing this post but what i know is that i feel this way sometimes. sometimes i wonder what more do i need to make me, me. people say that during your teenage years is when you have identity crisis but i think that's just crap. people have identity crisis almost all the time all their life. i know i do. i'm still searching me. 

the real me.

if i'm still searching for the real me, then, the one who has been living all this while, typing this post, is not real? a fake? i don't know. maybe. i change. not constantly. but consistently i change. i know i am changing. i realize that. but it's hard to keep track you know of what i had been, what i am and what i will be. the things i lose along the process of change to become me now and the things i will lose to become the me of the future. scary thought isn't it?

it feels like changing your skin only it's invisible. it happens on the inside. at least that's what i feel. you know, changing. or sometimes changing myself feels like changing my clothes. everyday i wear different clothes except at night sometimes i wear the same clothes to bed. and sometimes, i'm like clothes because some clothes when they are new, i like to wear them and i'd just keep the old ones or sometimes i'd throw the old ones away. or i'd recycle items that are still nice given by people to me and wear them instead. that represents my personality i guess. 

something new, something old, something recycled. 

that pretty much sums me up for now. yeah. i'm not really original, not really new. i'm old because, well because i tend to be backwards sometimes or slow, and i'm a recycle because i'm always, or sometimes, or seldom, or whatever, is a follower of something. i'm rarely something new: trend setter. i don't intend to be one anyways. 

i change. i've changed. i'm changing. that's much i can accept. some people can't though. sometimes i can't accept them too. i've embraced some changes but not all of them, though i don't know which ones i have embraced and which ones i haven't. quite a mystery that one.

i'm a person. can i just say that? i'm a person. with feelings and emotions. fairly predictable, average. getting older every year. little specialties and abilities. i have my moments and i tend to lose those moments too. that's me. sometimes, i wonder though, what makes me, me? who am i to me?

p.s: maybe you can help me define me to me. who am i, to you? who?