random post 5.

i want to write more than what i am able to write right now. the thing is, there is nothing much to write really. i have little fragments of ideas in my head but they're usually the same things i have been thinking about. what have  i been thinking about? well a whole lot of random things. if i were to write them down, they'll just end up as little short passages. so i'm gonna include the things i've been thinking about, here.

like for example, 

time: i think time's a very powerful thing. it reminds us of things long forgotten, or it makes us see far into the future or it makes us stay here, in the present. when you look back at the past, through pictures, or texts or even just through your mind, your heart grows weaker, sometimes fonder, sometimes it aches, sometimes it calms down. time is everything. time heals, time destroys, time creates.

thoughts and imagination: these two can either make you or break you. i spend most of my time day-dreaming. bad habit, i know, but i just can't help it. the feeling of satisfaction and wild-dreams just echoing and playing in your head can drive you wild or inspire you. in both cases, it can bring both positive and negative outcomes. just by letting myself go through my thoughts and imagination can bring me spiraling through clouds and stars and when it's time to let go, it brings me back down to earth, where my feet will be attached firmly to to the ground. imagination gets me to places or situations i've been dying to have, DYING TO HAVE. i can safely say sometimes, what helps me get through my days are the thoughts and imaginations i have running through my mind.

people: i've not been mixing a whole lot with society. mostly i'd get stuck at home where sometimes i feel like my mind's being caged. i miss having deep-conversations with people i am close with. i can't have those kinds of conversations at home simply because,  i don't know who to turn to talk to. there're a whole lotsa things i wanna share and say, but i don't know to who. i don't really like having deep conversations through technology; i prefer having a face-to-face communication. but when you're living so far away from the people you're close with, technology's all there is to it.

love: this is a tricky one. a complicated one. a pain in the ass one, sometimes. love is like, time. powerful, controlling, obsessively addictive and confusing and insane. love can drive a person up the wall, me included. we've all been there, or at least for a while. love makes me feel, whole, complete. 

life: to me, life is indeed fair. my parents can't give me gifts or clothes but they do provide me with the best of food and all that they can offer me. the least i can do is be thankful and stop whining and complaining. but it worries me though. life's getting more expensive, i wonder if we, as a family, can go through these tough times. 

money: for me it's a problem. i am ashame to admit that yes, i feel envious towards those who can spend their money on things that they want without having to feel this huge amount of guilt weighing on their shoulders. i mean, c'mon. i want to spend rm25 on a tshirt and i'd have to think about the after effects of purchasing that item. why didn't God place me in a wealthy family? maybe He wants me to learn to be thankful and to work hard to getting what i want. i can see myself being this bratty spoilt kid if i were born in a rich family. God has given me the chance to be, i don't know how to describe this, human? by letting me live a pretty, erm, desperate life. desperate? i'm not sure whether that's the right word to be used. i mean i guess God placed me where i am right now just so i can, i don't know, appreciate the things that i HAVE instead of always chasing for the things that i WANT. 

so those are all of the thoughts in my head. life's a funny thing. i always trust God's plans, even if it isn't according to mine. i mean, you know what i mean. troubles come, but they leave too, eventually. i just keep thinking about you know, if i am not the me i am now, who would i be if i am living in  different situation and atmosphere. would there be THIS AJ? or a totally different person? who knows, maybe i'd still be me, or i'd be someone else entirely different. who knows. 

p.s: random thoughts lead to deep thoughts, sometimes.