Black Hole

I have not written anything in a while. It is not that I am uninspired, but it is just... I don't know what it is. Maybe it is pure laziness, or just pure carelessness, that I have neglected almost everything that I love doing. Growing up is not what it is cut out to be. You become emotionally attached to almost everything and you begin to lose focus of what is important in your life- at least for me. 

I keep thinking about the future and how when I look back at my life, that the things I am going through right now would not matter that much anymore. But how can I get myself into the future when I cannot even, or barely able, to go through my present state of being. It is illogical how I worry so much about the future but at the same time I am not doing anything to make my future what it is I have always been dreaming of.

My thoughts are scrambling but they are recurring thoughts; nothing new, nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. I did think of a God-awesome poem that has a rhyme but it dissipated into thin air, leaving no trace for me to get it back. I think that is how my life is. One minute I am experiencing it and the next minute it is gone.

And it bothers me, bothers me, how I can let those moments slip by me, ignoring that any one of those days passed could have been my last. It is not that I do not appreciate my life, but it seems like I do not. That bothers me. It bothers me that people I hold dear most can disappear. It bothers me that I can disappear. I am not being philosophical but just being realistic. People come and go, whether you like it or not.

I am babbling. I wish things are much simpler than they are now. I cannot go on one day without feeling guilty for not accomplishing what I could have accomplished. I miss being a kid.

p.s: Simpler times, I miss you.