Cloud Atlas.

"Our lives are not our own."

That is one of the many lines in David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas. For those of you who do not know what Cloud Atlas is it is basically a story of how our lives are inter-connected and intertwined with each other, how our actions affect those we come into contact with, present and future. The story is more than just about love, it is about connection beyond that- beyond our understanding and comprehension, beyond our imagination, beyond our mind.

It is true that our lives are not our own. We do not own our own lives. Our lives are shared. We share our lives with people all around us: we breathe the same air, we walk on the same Earth, and we have more things in common with each other more so than we think. We touch other people's lives directly and indirectly, and their effects could last a lifetime- bridging past with the present and future. 

It is amazing how many lives we have touched and we will touch in our lifetime. No matter how much of a hermit you become, you will end up touching someone's life. The biggest proof that our lives do not belong to us is that we will die, and our lives will end. If you believe in religion and God, then that is where our lives will go. If you do not, then your soul will float somewhere and it ends, into oblivion.

We will be infinite and our lives will go on, our legacies, our memories, our effects, they will ripple through time but we will not be there to see them. And during that time, our lives will be past to them, not ours anymore but theirs.

"Our lives are not our own."

p.s: Borrowed.

School.

I am a teacher now, albeit a trainee one. I was nervous and the thoughts of teaching and facing teenage students scared me. The age divide thing, their interests, attitude and behavior, how they'd perceive me; used to be daunting thoughts haunting my mind day and night, but not anymore.

I smile and laugh at them for being young and naive, and I am jealous of their youth, their sense of freedom and lack of care for the things around them. I come into class wondering to myself at the journeys that I have crossed, and those journeys are the ones that they will take too. I come into class being arrogant, not because of my knowledge but knowing that whatever they are going to go through or what they are going through- I have gone through, and I survived. It makes me feel all giddy and cocky.

At times, I feel like I am a negative prick and I tend to be bitter about whatever that is being discussed in the classroom like: hopes, dreams, aspirations and goals. I would smile when they say they have goals in life and they know what they want to do and which road they want to take; well some of them. I was not one of those kids. When I was 16, I did not know what I wanted to be. I took life as it went. I used to be one of those who would wake up in the morning and just wanting to get the day done and over with. I am still like that most of the time.

Back when I was in school, teachers were aliens entering the classroom depositing knowledge into our empty shells and exited and the actions repeated over the course of the school semesters. Teachers nowadays take on more formal, stringent, restricted, guided, strict, rule-governed, limited, stressful, not fun, drowned-by-paperwork, roles in school. I mean, do not get me wrong. Some teachers are awesome but most teachers nowadays are just tired- burned out. Teachers are poor souls (though paid well. See the irony there?) being pushed around by people from higher grounds to do their dirty and complicated deeds. Some teachers just give up. 

The very same system that is shaping the future generations of the nation is also the very same one that could potentially and ultimately destroy our chances for a better future. Have you ever thought of that?

p.s: Trying to make a difference. 

Clarity.

As I am growing older, I understand now the value of family. I used to think I wanted to get away from them because I just wanted to. But now it is different. All I want to do is be in their loving arms, be a part of them every single day, where I want to be is where they are. How naive and stupid of me to not think my family was not as important as everything else in my life? 

As you grow older, the things that did not matter to you-that were insignificant-will be so profoundly important to you that you will be surprised by their sudden importance, and somehow they evolve from wants to needs and necessities. 

I guess that is life:

When you are younger, you think that family does not matter. That family sucks. Family is a burden. But as you grow older, you will start to realize that there will be no one else as loyal, as loving, as caring, as important as family. 

You will always go back to where you belong; even if it is not in a physical sense, you will experience it emotionally.

p.s: Family is where the heart is, really. 

Water.

I think you are like liquid.

Sometimes you are neutral;

cooling, calm, life-giving.

Sometimes you are bitter;

I feel like spitting you out, but I have to swallow you

-kind of like medicine.

The worst: Sometimes you are acid;

You corrode me

-inside and out;

You inflict pain and leave me scars

-that cannot be healed, forgotten,

even when time passes, 

the reminders of those effects of your acidity 

-stay.

p.s: Sometimes you are the ocean, cool, calm and deep; but deadly as hell. 

Stupid Cupid

I think it is unfortunate that you fell in love with three individuals who did not love you as much as you loved them. It is more unfortunate that the three individuals you were in love with have moved on and are in love with three other individuals while you sit in a corner, waiting for a feedback - a positive feedback - from the one you are currently in love with. There was a time when one of the three individuals did decide to be in love with you, but you turned the individual down and proceeded on to be in love with another individual who in turn was in love with a different individual. This makes up for a perfect, 500 Days of Summer kinda movie, don't you think so? While you wait for the current individual, a soul hopes for your happy ending that you truly deserve, one day.

p.s: Stop being bitter. It leads you to no where. 

Life's Lessons

Chase after your dreams,
Work hard for what you want

-nothing comes easy;

Do what you love and love what you do

-time flies by when you are having fun;

Love everyone

and make them smile;

Hatred will just make you bitter,

-be happier, why not?

Be proud of yourself

and what you have become;

If you think you are not good enough,

become a better person

by being kind to others

- and be kind and good to yourself, too;

Life is too short for regrets and sadness

-turn them into lessons instead;

Looking back slows you down,

so move forward

-and do not turn around;

We are all students of life;

and we will only graduate when

we have none of it

-anymore.

So live life to the fullest,

reach for the sky

-you'll never know,

when your turn is: to die.

p.s:  Live, till your very last breath

February

It is February

- the second month of the year;

Same old story,

fear of things: present and future;

Why am I here?

Gripping tightly on things bound to be lost

- things: will eventually,

become memories so distant in the past

that we thought they were dreams

conceived by the fragile mind,

trying desperately to relive those moments;

past and gone.

p.s: Because life is complex.