this hardship

some things in life are never meant to be sometimes. like when you fall for a person and that person doesn't have the same feelings as you do or like when you think you have everything under control but then everything falls apart and you don't know where and when to pick yourself up or when you are happy then you receive a bad news and everything in the world seems to crash down on you and you are left there, breathing, struggling, drowning, dying for every bit of survival. 

what will you do in times like these?

i am usually an optimistic person but lately it seems that the world tends to be hard on me or maybe i am being too hard on myself? have you ever felt like you have given your best and yet you feel like no matter how much you try to change something it just will not happen? like you keep praying, hoping and working so that things will work for you but it never seems to happen.

where is God, you may ask in times like these.

i never ask. i know God is always there for me. the question is, have i ever been there for God? 

i wish too many, i dream too much. i get my head high up, too high up in the clouds sometimes i swear i just want to stay there for as long as i can but logic rules. i fall down face first on the flat and hard surface of the earth and i may cry from the pain, but what else can i do but just move on and face the consequences? i try not to cry but sometimes it just doesn't seem to work. i end up crying anyways.

you know how sometimes people say how lucky it is to be "you"?

well, i say, it's lucky to be you. it's always better to be someone else in our eyes, right? what is satisfaction in humanity? nothing. satisfaction is when you have everything and you feel nothing. it's just, a great sigh of relief; an overwhelming sigh of relief.

this is just a phase i know, people keep saying that, but how far of a phase of this i have to cover? i have been in this phase, i have been living for 21 years and yes there are changes within me, but nothing beyond me has a changed. not even a little, not even a bit.

i am getting sick and tired. sick, and tired.

p.s: let's just get this over and done with.