the letter, and the boy.

Sarah was cleaning her closet one day. she was going to sell some of the things she didn't need and things that she had outgrown: a few dresses and t-shirts, a pair of ballet shoes, some toys from her childhood. it was a way for her to move on from her old life, and to make space for new things. while she was taking some of the clothes down, a shoe box fell from above the closet shelf almost knocking Sarah's head. luckily, the box's content didn't splatter all around the floor and Sarah's head was safe too.

hey, what's this box? it looks familiar, Sarah thought to herself.  

slowly, she took the box and sat on the edge of her bed. she slowly opened the lid of the box, and instantly a soft smile appeared on her face. inside the box were the gifts, treasures and memories she had with her first love. as she slowly, and painstakingly removed the items from the box one by one, every memory that the items carried individually rushed memories into her mind. like for instance, the small, blue hot-wheels toy car was the one she took when she had entered his room the first time, a torn-out ticket from their first movie date, their pictures together. without Sarah realizing, a pool of tears started to well in her eyes.

she placed the items carefully on her bed after looking, scrutinizing over them. finally, placed at the bottom of the box was a letter, written by him, that she, once upon a time, had read the contents over and over again that she had memorized the letter almost word by word. the letter was folded neatly and it still had the smell of his perfume. after all this while, the letter still smelled like him. Sarah was contemplating whether she wanted to read the letter or just leave it where it was, lying at the bottom of the box.

she took the letter and slowly, unfolded it and the contents rushed into her mind as if she had read them just a few minutes ago. memories after memories invaded her mind, of happy(er) days, those stupid arguments over nothing she had with him, those nights when they'd both lay together in the backyard of his house, watching the stars (and sometimes the moon) glow at night. Sarah's heart beat was drumming loud. Sarah remembered the day he gave this letter to her. he was in his black hoodie and was solemn. 

"don't see me anymore," he told her.

"why?" she asked.

he handed her the letter and said he was sorry for everything, and he left her standing, and the rain fell. she remembered the moment very clearly now. the moment she had been dying to forget now was haunting her yet again. she ran to his house but no one was there. it was empty. she asked his neighbors where did the whole family go. They've moved out, they say. she knelt at the front porch of the house crying. why didn't he tell me why? a question left unanswered even with the letter in hand. she wanted to hear the answer from him but he was gone. no new address or any forms of contact details were given by him or the family. it's as if they wanted to disappear. now, 13 years later, reading the contents of the letter yet again still made her feel like the first time, distraught, anguished. she gulped, and read the contents of the letter:

"Dear Sarah,

by the time you read the letter, one of us has left the other pursuing dreams, making a mark in this world. i just wanted to say how happy you've made me. how memorable my life was with you. how fortunate i am to have met someone like you. but life has to go on Sarah, i'm sorry for leaving you the way i did. i'm sorry. i regret the way i left you but i had no choice. i didn't want my last thoughts of you was a girl with red hair sobbing, begging me not to go away, leaving her, and so i wrote this letter.

you are one of the sweetest, kindest, most forgiving, understanding person i have ever met. beautiful, charming, a girl i could only dream of having and yet you came into my life, and made my wildest dreams came true. every bit of the times we spent together i shall cherish with all my heart and soul. the day you first cried on my shoulder, the time you boxed me in the face, the time we got chased out of Lynderman's yard for making out and the first time we kissed, that warm April night under the stars, in my backyard. those are priceless memories i would never, ever forget. 

i'm sorry love, but sometimes in life, we have to make tough choices and letting go of you was the hardest one i had to make. i hope by the time you're re-reading this letter (i know you will, don't lie to me you cheeky girl) that wherever you are, whatever you are doing, whoever you end up with, you're one happy girl; happier than you ever were with me.

i love you. i really do. remember that. every time you read this letter, think of me, of our times together, and i will do the same. don't you worry about that love. whatever path both of us choose to take, i'm sure one day it will lead us back to each other.

if things are meant to be for the two of us, it will be. if things aren't, then the both of us deserves someone better. i'm just glad i had you in my life. a part of you will always be with me and i hope for the same with you. i love you so, so much baby. 

wish me all the best,

i will never ever forget you.

Signed

(Your Love)"

Sarah cupped her mouth and tears started flowing down her cheeks. after all these years, the letter still brought tears to her eyes. she was feeling a little angry and frustrated even, like the first time she had read the letter. she wanted to throw it in the dustbin but thought better of it. it was after all a piece of her life's history, one of her best moments of her life.

after crying for a while, she placed the things back where they belong, inside the shoe-box and the letter was neatly folded and was the last piece of her past memories placed in the box. she took the shoe-box and placed it where it always had been, and she pushed it even deeper into the closet. Sarah started collecting the items she wanted to sale at the garage sale her family was holding in front of their house and she went down the stairs, out the main door and into the front-yard where her father and mother had set up tents and a few tables and chairs.

neighbors were slowly crowding the front-yard and as Sarah was busily helping her parents and brothers selling their things, a familiar face stood out from the crowd. Sarah gasped and her eyes widened. it can't be she thought. but the man had the same features, that golden brown hair, those green eyes, the small scar on the chin; that smile. 

Sarah wanted to run up to him and gave him a big hug but then she spotted him holding the hand of a child on one and the other holding a hand of a beautiful lady with a smile so sweet and eyes so blue, they were blinding the sun. Sarah's heart beat dropped. they looked so happy together, so perfect.

he's found someone else. i guess, fate is not on my side, she thought to herself. no, fate is not on OUR side.  she remembered the contents of the letter. Sarah smiled, and a tear streamed down her face. 

p.s: the things we regret most may be the best thing that could ever happen to us. and if things are meant to be, they are meant to be.