Adulthood

When I was a kid, I did not dream of becoming an adult. I sorta just grew into my role, year by year. I did not realise, as I grew older, the load and responsibilities, the choices that I would have to make when being an adult. I just lived life as it went.

Being an adult is a great difficulty. You go through life chasing things and before you know it, time stops and it is the end. You chase life for the sake of getting things that you WANT and in the process, losing things that you NEED. 

For some people, I think being an adult means freedom from whatever it is they are fighting for freedom from. For me, it is constrictions and restrictions. It is funny to think that a few years ago I thought being an adult meant more freedom, but freedom from what exactly?

(I have this sudden realisation that I will not be free from anything in this life.)

I think most young kids trying to venture into the adult world do not know what they are going to get themselves into. Heck I did not know what I was getting myself into. There is maybe a need for kids to possess a manual of life about the pros and cons of being an adult. 

But life is life. You choose to see what you choose to see- what you choose to believe. Some people have a blast being an adult. Some people just want to go back to their glory days, even if their glory days were when they were five, eating vanilla ice-cream at a park with mum. 

What I am trying to point out is that being an adult is not what it's cut out to be. You end up having to make your own way, be responsible for yourself and in the process, hopefully, you will not lose yourself. (I am saying this as a reminder to myself.)

Everyone's goal in life should be to achieve happiness. But after all, happiness is subjective. 

p.s: And never lose sight of who you truly are.

Heads and Tails

"Heads we get married, tails we break up." Jake said in a cool tone. He was always cool, like the night's weather. He was cool, but deep inside, his heart was beating; fast. He took out a quarter from his pocket and started to hold it in his palm.

"Is this legit?" Abby asked and raised an eyebrow. Abby was taken aback by Jake's dare. 

"Why? Are you scared?" Jake replied, trying to shield his own nervousness.

"No. I just think it's ridiculous." Abby said, scoffing.

"It's not ridiculous. I think it's different and fun. Alright here we go." Jake was ready to toss the coin and he hoped that his knowledge about Abby- after being with her for so long- that his plan will go on as he had planned. 

"Wait!" said Abby. "I don't want you to propose to me like this. I mean not like this." Abby said with a sad look on her face. "I have this different idea of proposals. I mean, not like this. You know me right? I want something romantic, conventional."

"So you want to get married with me?" Jake's eyes lighted up. His plan seemed to work.

"Yes. I do. I mean why not? Oh shit. That's not a good reply." Abby could feel her cheeks were burning red and she started to laugh nervously because she was nervous- nervous and embarrassed at the same time. 

"You sure?" Jake asked her. "You, want to marry me?"

"Of course I do... I..." Abby stopped mid-sentence. She was trying to find the right words to tell him how she felt for him all these while but she could not find the right words. "I love you." was all she could say. Jake nodded and smiled. Abby continued, "And I don't want to be proposed to like this. I mean, what if we get tails and then we have to break up? I'm superstitious. You know that. I just want to be proposed like other people. You know, the normal, conventional way."

"You mean propose to you like this?" Jake got down on one knee and took out a ring box from his blazer pocket and placed the coin back in the pocket. He, like Abby, was waiting for the perfect time to ask for her hand in marriage. He was unsure what Abby really felt towards him; until tonight. "Abby Thompson, here I am bending on my knee, asking for your hand in marriage. Do you want to? I mean, get married with me?"

Abby was stunned and tears welled in her eyes."Oh my God Jake. I am going to be your wife!" Jake smiled at her and put the ring on her finger. 

Jake got up and kissed her softly on the lips. "We're going to be happy. I can feel it."

"I have never been happier with anyone else other than you." Abby said, and snuggled herself safely in his arms. Jake pulled her closer to him. "Hey, want to see the coin?" Jake pulled the coin out from his pocket and showed it to Abby. 

"Both heads."

p.s: I hope I win. Haha

Fashion Categories

Which category do you belong to?

Designer Whores:

Covered from head-to-toe with designer items, these people are the envy of everyone around them for being able to get their hands on designer items. What the items are and how the items look like are secondary; the main focus is that the items are designer-wear and that it is of utmost importance for designer-obsessed stylistas to have them. They are also a walking advert for designers, showcasing the latest trends off the runway.

Brands Victim:

Brand-conscious people are further sub-categorized into two divisions: Ones With Money, and Ones Without. Now, the Ones With Money do not have much trouble in trying to maintain their brand-conscious status quo but the Ones Without have a huge difficulty. The Ones Without love brands, but could not afford most of the brands they love so they will move to the next closest thing, fake items.

Fakers:

These are the ones who sport designer handbags from China, shades from Vietnam and clothes from Thailand. They are people who are desperately trying to climb up the social ladder by showing off things that they cannot possibly own.

Fashion Changer:

Changing the face of the fashion industry, these people have become trend-setters; mixing the old with the new, the rare with the common, a sight for sore eyes for some, genius for some, annoying for some, and just plain artistic for some. They are bringing street style onto a whole different level.

I-Look-Good-In-Anything:

Some people are just gifted in a sense that they could put anything on them and they could still make the entire outfit work. It takes nothing more than just good ol' plain t-shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans to make them look good and still you would think that their whole look looks like a million bucks. This is truly a gift.

The Pleasers:

Sight for sore-eyes when you see someone with a varsity jacket or a trench coat walking outside a mall when it is blazing hot. Basically people who are in this category are wearing things that they have at the wrong place, at the wrong time, trying to please the wrong crowd. Fashion is all about being effortlessly cool and chic. Trying too hard to impress spoils the fun.

The Trend-Setters:

Not everyone can become trend-setters. It takes a big deal of courage, creativity (and recycling of ideas) to become a trend setter. The people in this category are the ones who will mold and shape the face of the industry for the next year or so, creating avenues for people to copy paste their ideas so that the trend can become widespread.

The Pre-Historics:

Time seems to go into a warp zone when it comes to their clothing. They cling on to bell-bottom pants, neon-coloured eye shadows and lipsticks and baggy clothes from the 90's because they seem to think that fashion have not budged since their long gone era. Why feel the need to dress up when they have passed their prime time?

p.s: This is sucky. 

25 Things About College/Uni Life.

Things you should know and learn about uni/college life:

1. People come and go. Please, do not act like you do not about this. 

2. You would be in at least ONE relationship, or have ONE really severe and serious crush on someone.

3. You will break-down and cry, sometimes for no apparent reason at all.

4. Life gave me lemons. What should I do with them now? *points to ponder*

5. The things you learn in class are nothing compared to things you learn outside of class.

6. Lecturers can be really immature, and stalks you on social networking sites and pretend to not know a thing about you.

7. Oh shit.... That course has an assignment due... TODAY? It has a final paper?! FML!

8. Money? I just had it. Now it is gone.

9. Can I see my family now? Please?

10. Study? Assignment? Tomorrow it is! 

11. The more people you know, the lesser people you trust.

12. Some people will never grow up. Childish pricks.

13. Time flies by fast when you are having fun, but passes by very slowly when you are in a boring class.

14. Assignments are like Mexican food- best served while still warm.

15. You will realize the amount of time in examination halls is the amount of time you will never, ever get back.

16. High school dramas and college/uni dramas are not that different.

17. Group work? Heck I'll do it myself you incompetent fools.

18. Strangers become best friends, best friends become strangers.

19. One of your electronics will break down and you will have a meltdown because of it.

20. Food is best served when it is free.

21. Morning class? You mean, the class I skip almost every time.

22. Free wi-fi! Free wi-fi! Free wi-fi!

23. Going anywhere with friends can be both very fun, or very annoying.

24. Staying up all night doing nothing in particular is a must.

25. And when everything has ended, you miss every single moment- well, almost. 

p.s: Thought Catalog inspired. 

Writer Wannabe

I tell everyone that I want to become a writer. I tell them that I want to write for a living. I dream of becoming a writer, living the life of typing life into words. That is all I want to be now. I just want to write, and write, and write.

The problem is: I am not as inspired as I should be. 

I feel like I am lying to people when I say I want to become a writer. I feel like I am lying to myself. What if I cannot cope with becoming a writer? What if I am not good enough to write about things that people read about? 

I think insecurity is part of becoming a writer. Funny, I have this mental and emotional picture in my head of what a writer should be like- like characters from movies and series that I watch and those characters are what I want to be like; a writer like them. 

I tell people I want to become a writer but I do not even know what I will be writing about. A journalist? A story-teller? A scriptwriter? I do not know but all I want to do is write.

I tell people I want to become a writer- but I am not convinced enough that I could. 

But a boy can dream, a boy can dream.

p.s: Write for a living. 

A New Chapter.

She was sitting alone on a bench at the park while waiting for the sun to set. The bench was her favorite place to unwind after every shitty day. She would be there waiting for the sun to set even hours before the sun would go down. She loved seeing the people passing through her: old couples reminiscing about younger years, young lovers walking hand in hand, children playing and rolling on the grass, and single people-like her- who were there just to breathe in some fresh air after a hard day's work

People were beginning to leave as the sky got darker. Chattering and laughter were replaced with an eerie sense of calmness and peace. She loved the quietness; part of the reason why she was always at the park at this hour. She was just beginning to appreciate the peace when she heard footsteps coming towards her. She was perplexed that there was someone else at this hour approaching her. Fearing danger, she grabbed a pepper spray and turned around, and she saw him. His smile was recognisable-to her at least- from space. She replied the smile and turned her back against him and placed the pepper spray back into her bag. He came and sat next to her.

"Been here long?" he asked innocently. Oh that smile, God, I wish I could just kiss him there and then she thought to herself. Instead, she replied,

"No, not really."

"So, what are you doing here?" he asked again with a sweet smile that could cause a toothache. His hair was perfect. His eyes were drilling into her soul, causing massive jolts of electricity coursing through her veins.

"Just waiting for the sun to set." She replied him. She was trying to act cool but she felt like she was failing. She felt her cheeks were burning and she could hear her heart beating against her chest. She was trying not to smile but she could not help but smile. "What are YOU doing here?" She asked, nudging him.

"Same as you I guess. Am I intruding your space?" He asked and raised an eyebrow and smiled. Stop being so cute will you Tristan? God! Her thoughts screamed. He turned his gaze towards the horizon, as the sky's colour turned from bright blue to orange.

"No, not really. It's just that, I wasn't expecting anyone to be here, with me, to watch the sun set. I mean, I've always been here alone. Wait, who told you I'd be here?" She asked, now really curious as to whom would have told him of her whereabouts.

He turned towards her and said, "Sarah told me."

"Sarah told you? And why were you looking for me?" She asked him, now even more curious. She looked at him directly into his deep, blue-coloured eyes, almost drowning in them. 

"I just wanted to hangout. I tried calling you but I guess your phone died or something," he said while shrugging his shoulders

She rummaged through her bag to look for her phone. "Ahh shit. I'm sorry. Didn't notice it was dead."

"It's ok. I'm here now. That's all that matters," he said, and smiled. There was an awkward silence between her and him that she did not want to break. It was not a bad awkward silence, it was the nice one-the appropriate one- where you would not break the silence because the last thing said was too beautiful to be let go off too soon. They turned their gaze away from each other and looked at the horizon. Little by little, light was replaced by darkness.

She finally broke the silence.

"I came here today because I am scared of tomorrow. I am scared of facing new things in life. 5 years, and I've gotten so used to everything that I am scared to start anew. It's like, back to A again you know? 5 years of studying in uni and everything will be ending so soon and I don't know where I'm going to go, what I'm going to do. Other people are so sure about their lives, and here I am, little miss clueless. I don't like the unfamiliar. I don't like parting ways- I hate goodbyes. I'm going to miss everything here, even the things I hate. I'm going to miss wasting hours with friends doing nothing productive and just being young. I don't like being an adult. I... I'm scared." 

She did not know why she had told him all those things but she felt like she had to. She was too tired of bottling up her feelings and keeping them for herself. He looked at her calmly and listened intently to what she had said and she felt she was cared for. 

"I know how you feel. There's only one thing I can say to you. The sun sets, and the stars come out and then the sun comes out again. For every ending, there's always a beginning." 

He leaned towards her and kissed her on her lips. She replied his kiss and closed the gap between him and her. Five years of friendship with him and this was the moment she had waited for. He was right. 

For every ending, there is always a new beginning.

p.s: Don't fear the Unknown, embrace it; with courage.

Black Hole

I have not written anything in a while. It is not that I am uninspired, but it is just... I don't know what it is. Maybe it is pure laziness, or just pure carelessness, that I have neglected almost everything that I love doing. Growing up is not what it is cut out to be. You become emotionally attached to almost everything and you begin to lose focus of what is important in your life- at least for me. 

I keep thinking about the future and how when I look back at my life, that the things I am going through right now would not matter that much anymore. But how can I get myself into the future when I cannot even, or barely able, to go through my present state of being. It is illogical how I worry so much about the future but at the same time I am not doing anything to make my future what it is I have always been dreaming of.

My thoughts are scrambling but they are recurring thoughts; nothing new, nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. I did think of a God-awesome poem that has a rhyme but it dissipated into thin air, leaving no trace for me to get it back. I think that is how my life is. One minute I am experiencing it and the next minute it is gone.

And it bothers me, bothers me, how I can let those moments slip by me, ignoring that any one of those days passed could have been my last. It is not that I do not appreciate my life, but it seems like I do not. That bothers me. It bothers me that people I hold dear most can disappear. It bothers me that I can disappear. I am not being philosophical but just being realistic. People come and go, whether you like it or not.

I am babbling. I wish things are much simpler than they are now. I cannot go on one day without feeling guilty for not accomplishing what I could have accomplished. I miss being a kid.

p.s: Simpler times, I miss you.