alright, then.

the freezing breeze of cold air

left me locked up in my lair

all wrapped up in despair

i was naked, i was bare.

sensitive to pain

like a wound stung by salty rain

i told myself things would mend

but little did i know, i was waiting in vain.

i cried and i cried

i felt like a part of me had died

i tried to fight the tears with might

while i waited for you, my light.

you never appeared

my memories of you disappeared

your voice was muted, your face blurred

taken away by time, thrown away, littered.

so here i am

picking myself up again

but the thoughts of you will remain

but never will, they be the same

ever, again.

p.s: about a month more to go.

right in front of me.

in the midst of loss and confusion

you were there like oxygen

giving me air as i struggled to breathe

giving me chances to live

as a gift

but i denied your existence

didn't even give an ounce of appreciation

and then you left me without no reason

then it came too late the realization

that you are the person i need

indeed.

so i kept on chasing, and you kept running

and we met a dead end

blinded by rage you raised up your hand

and told me to give up chasin'

but i said not a chance because i know

deep inside you want me 

really badly.

i inched closer, and i said sorry

you cried your tears

and told me you've been in love with me for years

i only kept quiet 

and see you wept 

tears of endless sorrow and despair

i reached out and held your body close

and i whispered in your ears

how i've wasted my time and bled for jerks and assholes

when i should have seen 

the person right in front of me 

who was ever willing to be a part of my life

and would never desert me.

i kissed your lips and tasted the pain

of being patient waiting, almost in vain

i pulled away and in your eyes i see

a happier you, smiling with me

and so i smiled and you asked me why

i said, i love you sayang

will you be my bintang?

you didn't say a word

but you put my hand on your chest 

to feel your beating heart

i have always been your bintang, you said

i smiled, and in return you laughed

and then i pulled you closer and we hugged

and in your embrace i will stay, snugged.

p.s: <3

a waste of time.

on this rainy day i sit in the car

typing out words with no sense

all i wanna do is just write

with no end in sight.

words of thoughtless mind formed

with no clear meaning at all

maybe there are some

but most likely there aren't.

thoughts of things run through my head

but none is significant to be penned

like little ants marching on dry land

like a lost lover in search of a friend.

in this car i waste my time

writing thoughts in words that appear on my mind

insignificant they may be

but they carry meaning, only to me.

so here i sit, til the clock strikes five

alone with my thoughts as noisy as a beehive

thinking about things that bother me

but mostly about life and love and, thee.

p.s: oh life.

i know and i don't know.

i know where i want my life to be. i know where i want myself to be in the years to come. it's all planned, mapped out in my head like some kind of an elaborate plan to overthrow a government that isn't functioning. i know where i want to take myself. i see the people around me. i know which one i should be and which one i shouldn't be.

i don't wanna be stuck without being able to see the world. we live only once, why waste the chance?

i know where i want to go. i know how i want to lead my life. i know what type of people i want to surround myself with. i know these things. these things are the things i have been wanting all my life. do you know how much it hurts to see others doing what you have been wanting to do all your life so effortlessly? 

and here i am, living, not so effortlessly.

i have to be thankful though. at least i know, for now, i am going somewhere with my life. my feet and effort have not taken me as far as the other side of the world, but it has taken me to the other side of the country, the other side of the ocean. that's something to be proud of for me. for in a million years, would i have foreseen myself living the way i have been living thus far. 

i have my share of ups and downs, happiness and sadness. but it's all part of life right?

i know where i want to go, i know where i want to be, i know who i want to be. i know.

the only thing i don't know is the future. uncertainty is a killer. assumptions are asses. time is a master. those are the only things i don't know. what i know, i know. what i  don't, i don't.

i'm looking forward to what life throws at me. i'm not sure if i can handle all of them, but i guess, we'll have to wait and see. i know my limits, i know. i know.

life. the thing i know and don't know.

p.s: i've no idea.

lesson learnt.

i was blinded by agony

not seeing someone right in front of me

the one who's always been faithful

holding me closely

while i wasted my tears for a heart breaker

you were there to hold me all through the night

and i wasted your love

for someone who didn't love me back

i lost myself, i didn't see you

so blinded was i

that i forgot about you

when you finally told me

all those things you've been keeping inside

hard slaps slammed across my chest

my heart was beating so loudly

that i can't hear anything

but feel the pain shown from your face

what an idiot i have been

for neglecting 

the one who's been loving

sincerely

all this while

i'm sorry for all the pain

sorry for all the stupid games

i'm sorry for being a liar

when all i should be to you is a star

so now i'm begging you

to give me another chance

i will make it up to you honey

i will be better

for you

and for me

i know this, what i'm writing here

won't win your trust which i have 

stupidly broken

but i know, it will bring me somewhere

closer to you

at least, closer, even if it's only a little

i don't want you to run from me

like i did to you

i want you to stay

and i want you to take my hand

and we will go away

to never, never land.

and i want to make you happy

really happy,

really.

p.s: change/d/-ing/s

away, away.

wilting away, away

never turning back

regrets are too late

so keep wilting away, away

old things die

new things grow

everything will perish

only time will tell 

run away, away

running away

never looking back

afraid of the pain 

caused and felt

so i run and run away

and never look back

escape away, away

to a place not familiar

where everything is new

but the old ones still haunt

they follow like a shadow

so what can we do?

but to live with regrets

so go away, away

far, far away

as you possibly can

but how far can you go?

how far can you go?

how far, can you go?

how far?

p.s: mistakes and regrets. 

surprise!

here's a heart

with many different stories

to be shared

and kept as secrets

a vault of feelings

uncontrollable it seems

to hide things which should not

be seen

or felt

here's the thing

a heart will always stay as a heart

a person will always not stay

the same

but the heart will stay a heart

but the things a heart feels

change

here's a heart

who's changed.

p.s: had a beautiful 8 days. i wanna update, but words aren't enough and i'm too lazy and uninspired.