my uncle's stories

my uncle, the husband to my aunt who is my father's eldest sister, loves to tell me stories about the past especially the ones involving my father's eldest brother which makes him my eldest uncle, the eldest child of my late grandparents. he'd usually ramble on about the history, the negative ones usually and sometimes i feel like i don't want to hear them but what can i do. so i just sit down quietly and listen patiently to his stories or ramblings. some of the things, well most of the things he tells me are usually things that he has told me before so it kinda annoy me to have to listen to the same stories over again but i keep quiet and i keep listening to the repeated stories, repeated stories about my family's past. 

i won't tell you what the stories are usually about this is what i have learnt from these stories: do not repeat the same mistakes, ever; especially the huge ones.

i learnt that by looking back on our past helps us to be aware of our present and it makes us wonder more about our future. this is what i feel when i listen to the stories that my uncle tells me. i mean, i get this feeling that i shouldn't repeat those mistakes that were done in the past. that's what history lessons are for: to teach and tell us that mistakes are not supposed to be repeated. but we humans, well, we tend to repeat and recycle our mistakes sometimes don't we? i don't know the exact reason(s) why my uncle would tell me these stories every time i'm alone with him but i guess he just needed someone to let go of his frustrations about the things that happened many, many years ago or he wants me to learn something from it. i am not sure but whatever his reasons are, he would always end up telling me these stories.

"you're the only person i tell these stories to. these are family secrets and i'm telling these only to you."

i don't feel burdened by this responsibility (if i can call it that) and i'm not sure if he expects me to share these stories with the other people within my age range in the family but i guess i'm his (un)official secret bearer of some sort. 

o.k back to talking and looking back on the family's past events, i guess what my uncle (directly or indirectly) wants me to learn is to appreciate the things i have now, how far the family has come, what the family has gone through etc. and i guess that's the good thing of looking back at our past. it helps us learn, it helps us assess how far we've come in life and it should really help us to move forward in life. my uncle talks of regrets and stuff and how he doesn't feel any regrets about the things that happened and i guess what he feels is right. regrets are good because they make you realise things but holding on to them wouldn't change what has happened many, many years ago. like i said, i don't know what my uncle's reasons are for telling me these stories; maybe he can't let go, maybe there is regret somewhere deep down inside of him, maybe he thinks of the what ifs but my uncle's a wise man. i think he realises that the past is the past and there is nothing he can do to change it, he just needed someone to listen to his frustrations about the things that happened, some sort of shoulder to cry or lean on.

he never fails to do to this every time i come back home and when there's only the two of us in the car or in a  room. he'd start the conversation and he'd go on and on telling the stories that i've listened him tell me many times and i'd just keep quiet, and smile sometimes and look down at the floor because honest to God, i don't what to say or i don't know how to appropriately react to his stories so i'll just be a silent listener; nodding here and there and smiling while he goes on telling about the past that has helped to shape the present, my present, and i couldn't help but think of the what ifs too. 

p.s: the possibilities, endless possibilities.