27 January 2013

Days and Nights

When the day turns into night,
When I awake from slumber for a new day,
and the cycle goes round
like the Earth orbiting the Sun,
Every passing second,
Brings me closer to you;
Closer to home.


p.s: Like money, love makes our world go round and round, too.

20 January 2013

When I Blog, You Read.

There are a lot of angles as to how you can look at the Bawani and Sharifah Zohra showdown but I think we can all agree that Sharifah Zohra, like Bawani, was also very emotional when she "TRIED" to counter Bawani's arguments about free education. Being a woman of stature, poise, educated and a leader, there are lots of ways Sharifah could have and should have gone against Bawani. But no, she made a rather blind and useless statement when she began comparing the issue raised by Bawani with "Animals have problems too. You think animals don't have problems?"

 Here's my take:

Bawani dearest, free education is not yet possible for our country and if it is, then higher taxes will have to be implemented on citizens of Malaysia to cover the cost of free education. Now like you, I wonder sometimes how many is being circulated around this country and also in my faculty (but this is a whole different story but is somehow related). The Government spends billions upon billions of RM on this and that, 1 this and 1 that, hence, why not, spend those billions to cover for education and let students and parents be free of payments, debts and loans so that everyone will live happily ever after? It'd be interesting to sit down and talk to you bout your ideas and your view on what "free education" is. I'm sure you'd have your explanations and your reasons. I assure you, you fight for a good cause here. Getting free education means lessening the burden of every family and making sure that everyone gets to go to school, no matter how poor that person is. Free education means not having to worry about paying anything, or having to go through the trouble of getting a loan or studying your ass off to get a scholarship because heck, education is free. It closes the gap between the people who study their arse off to be excellent and getting what they deserve and those who don't study at all and still end up getting the same privileges as those who try to be successful. Free education to me is not at all a bad idea but the cons are outweighing the pros from my perspective. But then again, I'm sure Bawani, you have your plans. We live in a somewhat democratic, somewhat liberal, somewhat competitive country whose dreams includes to produce student leaders like you who are able to speak out, voice out, and defend your ideas to the best of your abilities and power. Our Malaysia is democratic, in a sense. So, you go fight for what you believe.

Sharifah Zohra dearest, it's never a good idea to cut people off in the midst of their speech. There's this thing called irony whereby for example, you ask people to "listen" but you end up not even wanting to listen and let the person end her speech, and yet you demanded to be listened to. It was also not wise of you, being the woman of your stature who is educated and a leader, a person who I'm sure is being looked up upon, began to compare the issue brought up by Bawani with animals having problems too. Yeah sure cats, dogs, fishes, and even Jaws have their complicated lives and their own problems too but that wasn't exactly what Bawani and audiences wanted to hear but I guess, you've said what you wanted to say. I think you were taken aback and was rather horrified and nervous that Bawani was brave in saying what she wanted to say (or maybe you weren't taken aback and horrified and nervous). I don't really have much to say about you really. It's just that it's quite shameful. I raised my eyebrow when you shook hands and said thank you to Bawani and later on you went on to ask the audiences whether you've shown respect to Bawani or not, which I think is unnecessary. I think you were just trying to garner support because you were too shock with comments made by Bawani and the "listens" were your defensive mechanisms kicking into full gear while your brain shuffled to find great and smart lines but all your brain could come up with was, "animals have problems too." A statement that makes sense if you watch Nat Geo, Discovery Channel and Animal Planet, but again, did not suit the context that you were in. And asking Bawani what she's still doing in Malaysia when she could be in other places is rather like a junior high-school debate's first time at debating when Bawani compared Malaysia to other countries. Hey Sharifah, trust me, if most of us could just move to a new country and start anew, Malaysia would lose most of its citizens. Malaysia is building its status as a global player and if it loses its human capital, it will stop building. 

The clip of Bawani going against Sharifah Zohra or Sharifah Zohra going against Bawani (whichever perspective you choose to see the video from) shows how different, diverse and a big of a gap there is between people when it comes to views, opinions and beliefs. Some believe that education should be free for all Malaysians and some clap their hands and nod in agreement and cheer whenever they please, and some believe that animals have problems too. There is one common lesson that we can learn from the video: RESPECT. Whatever your status is, whatever your age gap, your education background or your political beliefs are, respect each other. But I guess when it comes to politics, respect is kinda one of the last things to be thought of. I mean, it's sad to see what Malaysia has become. The politicians, from whatever sides they are from, have stoop down so low as to use religion, beliefs, customs and rumors to win the hearts of supporters. They use these "weapons" to make people go against each other and in a country where unity is crucial to sustain peace, harmony, justice, fairness and equality. These politicians are brave in creating saucy headlines and actions that could dangerously steer Malaysia into chaos. I guess, at the end of the day, they want the opposing sides to take the blame of faults and emerge as heroes at the end of the day. I mean, who doesn't want to be a hero right? 

Bawani is just one example of the other undergrads who are fighting for their rights to be heard. Twitter, Facebook, and blogs are mediums of which we tell our stories, our views, our opinions and our hopes and dreams. Some go all out by joining parties as they see that is the fastest way to make desired changes, some are joining various NGO's and agencies to promote and fight for "freedom". But whatever it is, we all now must realize that putting our differences in front of us will make us face bigger, and more pressing problems than the animals (sorry, can't help it). If we continue to go against each other, huge rifts will continue to form and the facade that Malaysia has for so long been known; as a united country, will be shattered. On the surface it looks as if Malaysia is alright, now under the surface, things are beginning to crack, little by little.

So what must we do? Campaigns upon campaigns have been launched to promote unity, to promote tolerance and respect amongst each other, despite our differences but these campaigns will do nothing if we do not do something. Rephrasing Michael Jackson's Man In The Mirror, "Change starts from oneself". No use changing the rest of the world if we do not change ourselves. No use wanting others to respect us, if we do not at first, respect them. 


p.s: A change is gonna come.


19 January 2013

According to Taylor Swift


I should have known better that all men and boys are the same. I should have known better. Shame on me. Shame, on me! What was I thinking dating a guy from across the pond? I thought dating an English boy/man could be the turning point in my dating caree…relationship. I thought that his polish English accent and thick set of hair and impeccable sense of style could last me a lifetime. Heck, no. I write these songs about failed relationships, heartbreaks (and the occasional happy songs about success in love and boys just to go with the flow of the market) hoping that girls don’t follow my lead. You know what, some girls who listen to my tracks probably have a better dating record than I do. Or maybe the girls who have never dated before would steer away from the dating pool like forever after listening to one of my many hit songs about failed relationships, Romeo and Juliet love story and being naïve at the age of 15. Thanks to me. Congrats Taylor, you’ve probably saved a thousand little girls’ hearts from being broken by boys.

I have started to wonder whether the mantra “It’s not you, it’s me,” is a curse against me or something. Maybe it is because I like the number 13, that’s why I’m cursed. I have dated guys ranging from a Jonas, to a werewolf, to a Directioner. I even tried dating a regular guy and that didn’t work. Maybe Kanye cursed me. He’s now happy with the Kardashian lady and they’re expecting a kid. Now where does that leave me? Oh, broken-hearted, beautiful, able to play the guitar and sing, and swimming in my wealth; single.  That’s right. Kanye must’ve put a curse on me the night when he said that Beyonce should win the award and not me. Maybe he and Beyonce put a curse on me! Gasps! OK, now I’m just being paranoid.

Truth of a matter is, maybe I’m not cut out for this love-relationship kinda thing you know? Sure I earn millions, I go all over the world singing my songs, I go to award shows wearing fancy dresses and outfits and I win awards and I have millions and millions of fans, and did I mention I earn millions? Oh yeah, I did. The truth is, I’m still just an ordinary Southern Belle who is still in search of true love and making music about how crappy boys are and how crappy it feels to be out of love. I’m just your average, girl-next-door hoping to make you mine, for more than a year. Marriage is out of the question. If I could secure a guy for more than a year, that would be great! 2013 is going to be the YEAR Taylor gon’ find herself a cowboy and be happy and ride off into the Californian sunset with my millions! 2013 baby! See, 13! My favourite number. You thought Adele was the only one who could get away with naming her albums with numbers? Na-uh. I can too! And I’m whole lot prettier, and smaller, and thinner and I can play the guitar!

Adele has a boyfriend and a baby boy? Screw it! I gonna get myself one. She’s probably writing songs about how happy she is with her new bundle of joy and her boyfriend. Darn, I wonder how writing songs with those feelings feels like. I should give it a try sometimes. But I gotta find me some men/boys first!

The next guy that earns my attention, my radar would definitely have to work and scream “That Guy is Trouble” lest I want to get heartbroken, again.


p.s: I’m not sure if I’m dating boys and failing at them so that I could write new songs, or it’s just me.

07 January 2013

Taking Your Own Life

She had his favorite shirt on that day. She didn't plan on wearing it. She just felt like wearing it. Her friends asked her if she's alright when they saw her wearing his shirt. She said she's fine, she just felt like wearing it, she told them. Her friends nodded and smiled sympathetically, and she hated that. Without even asking she told them that she's fine and that there's nothing for them to worry about. The chirpiest of them lot then broke the awkwardness by ushering everyone to class and all of them moved to the class. 

It was during lunch break at the library that she snapped. She saw the book that he loved on the shelf and cried reading the notes inside, written by him. She felt every word, recalled every memory those sentences brought up, and when one of her friends saw her crying pathetically sitting on the floor of the library, her back against the bookshelf and her arms wrapping themselves around the book, that's when they knew she was not alright.

You cannot be like this forever, they said. You have to stop acting this way, he wouldn't have liked seeing you behaving this way, they said. How could he see me when he's not even here, she wailed. The librarian had to come over and instructed the friend to bring her out because she was disrupting the other students. She sobbed heavily and she felt weak in the knees. She felt like she couldn't walk anymore. Her breathing became heavy. She was seeing stars. Then, she blacked out.

Then she saw him. She saw him smiling at her, giggling a little. She wanted to cry seeing him and was angry and at the same tie she was laughing too. You told me you'd be alright, he said, you lied, he said, smiling at her. She tried to get near him but she couldn't. Why can't I get closer to you? I miss you. She shouted at him. He just shrugged and said that it wasn't her time yet. I missed you, she said and he seemed to be ignoring her, which upset her even more. You have to start living, he said. I wasn't given the chance to, so you should be happy that you've lived. How could I live when you're not here beside me, she cried. You have to, he said and he began to turn around. No, she screamed. No, no, no! Don't go away, she said. Don't! cried she. 

It was a struggle for her to move on. Every night she'd dream the same things. Every day she'd walk around, lifeless. Every moment, she's thinking of him. 

One day, they discovered her body lying in a bath-tub, the water colored red. She had slashed her wrist and even her throat. A note was found on her table stating the reason of her suicide. The campus was buzzing with the news of the girl's suicide. People always thought of her as somewhat odd, but they never thought that she'd be brave enough to take her own life. Her body was brought back to her hometown and she was buried there. During the day of the funeral, a lot of people came, including the boy whom she saw in her hallucination. He was observing the solemn ceremony from afar. 

He wasn't dead. The reason of her suicide, wasn't dead. 


p.s: This is some random shit. 

05 January 2013

Another Chapter Closes


It was fitting that Mdm. Roslind was there yesterday at the exam hall invigilating us for the last time. She never invigilated us and suddenly yesterday she was there. I couldn’t help but feel a bit emotional when I saw her. And we took the exams sitting with a bunch of TESL first year students and I thought to myself, “Wow, I was there. I was you guys, sitting for my very first exam as an undergrad and look at me now, answering my last paper.”  She has taught me a lot, and given me great advice and I believe she’s one of the most inspiring, awesome people to have ever walked into my life.

Time has flown so fast it doesn’t even make sense. I remember coming here in Shah Alam the very first time during Asasi and how I was really scared, nervous and awkward around people. It was my very first time away from my family and the thought of being independent was daunting. But I did it. I survived. When I entered degree, my confidence picked up and I am the person that I am today.

4 years of degree is the best and worst days of my life; and I have grown and learned so much. I couldn’t help but think and look back on all of the things I’ve ever done and I kept thinking how if I didn’t come here I would have been a totally different person. This was the path that I have chosen and this is life for me.

I wouldn’t do the “good-bye” post just yet just because we’re not really not gonna see each other again. We’re just gonna be spending less time together because we’re not gonna be in a classroom for hours  but we’ll be in schools instead. There’ll be the weekends and the kids’ school holidays. I’m sure we could find some time to squeeze into to have some fun and stuff.

But I would just like to thank everyone, every single person, every single being that has made me who I am today. I think without you guys, I wouldn’t have known much about life I guess and I would still be living selfishly in my own shell (though I still do this but in a lesser degree, I think). I’m thankful for every bits of things that had happened and I treat them as lessons learned and I thank you guys for being frank about me and for wanting to help me become a better person.

I’m sorry for my faults, my flaws and my annoying behavior. I’m trying my best to repair myself but I guess I have to try harder. I am tempted to do a post like Ikah but I think I’ll do that at the very end.  I have this believe that things always happen for a reason, and for whatever reasons I am put here, to be with all of you, I am thankful for the opportunity, for the chances that I have been given and I wouldn’t have changed a thing of every single thing that I have gone through with all of you.

So thank you, and may the odds will always be in our favour for practicum and AE.


p.s: Not so emotional, just yet. 

03 January 2013

Second

So I set your heart on fire,
It pumps desire
All through your veins
Making you crazy, making you insane
Ain't love a beautiful thing,
darling?

I see your eyes burning bright
Brighter than sunlight
I see your hands yearning to hold mine
And I will say the same for mine

I miss you when the day gets light
and when the day goes dark
I am selfish, I want you all to myself
But I do not care 
for why should I give a damn?

When you have stolen my heart
And I have stolen yours
So we're evenly scored
You have a part of me with you
And I have a part of you with me

So when we see each other,
You and I will be complete,
Two will be one;
Together.


p.s: Inspired, because I miss you. 

02 January 2013

Conflicts

The intensity and the need to just abandon everything and go somewhere foreign have never been so intimidatingly real. It feels like all these things I'm doing are beginning to feel like a waste of time and I'm just ready to break all forms of chains and escape to somewhere new, start afresh and be carefree once more. However plausible and real this idea may be, I have realized that no matter where I go I'm still chained to something, and I am still responsible for things around me. I am responsible for my actions, for my consequences, thoughts, ideas and feelings. I cannot run away from those.

Maybe it is the stress of everything. Maybe it is the guilt of being irresponsible all these while. Maybe it is feeling tired over all things that does not hold any significant value in the end. I am not satisfied and I am feeling restless. I want freedom but I am free, but why don't I feel free?  I feel neglected, I feel unkind. I feel like I am lying to myself most of the time. I hide things behind my smile, and I am super paranoid of people. I am a grown up but I am still immature to most and myself. I am tired.

All ideas are no longer acceptable and I only have myself to blame for replacing them with new ideas and new ideals. I feel like I am being chained to invisible forces- I don't usually feel like this but lately, the feeling of being chained has been magnified. I feel like breaking away but I don't know how. So all I do in the end is go to a corner and cry, because I am weak and pathetic that way. 

Just tired with everything. It would be cool to just give in. So tempting yes, possible, yes. But reality is a whole lot stronger than fantasy. 

And reality's a calling.



p.s: Don't mind me, just stressed.