"i wish i could be like you," says Tina to Beth who is busy typing away on her laptop. to Beth, work was always the priority, or is rather, after these past few years.
"what do you mean?" Beth replies without even removing her gaze from the laptop screen.
"strong, independent, tough, not a care in the world..." Tina trails off.
"you really see me that way?" Beth stops typing and she frowns with a smile on her delicate face which has been roughen away by both exhaustion and age but she is still beautiful, or that is what Tina thinks of her and Beth would turn down such notion.
"yes, i do. you're like this, this machine that moves around and has no feelings." Tina replies, her hand making exaggerated gestures.
"excuse me. that's an insult. i am human, and i have feelings and emotions. thank you very much." Beth says and continues typing away on her laptop.
"then tell me, how do you do it? how have you been able to wake up every morning without that special someone? without this special person occupying those spaces in your head and heart? how, after all these years, you manage to stay happily single, without even an ounce of regret?" Tina asks. Beth stops typing and stares at her friend for a moment before answering.
"truthfully, i don't really have the perfect answer to that question if you're expecting one from me. but i can tell you this though, i just do it. i won't lie. it does get pretty lonely and fucked up at times but i don't and won't let those things get to me. of course i get a tinge of jealousy and sadness seeing you with Martin or saw you with Martin and any other couples that i've come across these past few years but i guess... i don't know. i just couldn't bother."
"why? why can't you just bother?" Tina asks again.
"because to me it's trivial. i have far more important things to do and think about than to go out chasing someone and ended up getting hurt like the last time, you know. i'd rather be busy and be feeling empty for awhile than feeling hurt because of someone." Beth answers honestly. she smiles at Tina.
"but don't you miss it? don't you have this, this, longing inside of you?"
"of course i do. i am human after all but like i said, i have better things to do and think about. life's not always, well, not for me at least, finding the right guy, or for now at least. i just don't see the point yet finding the right guy when obviously i am not ready to be in a committed relationship. tell me, which sane guy would wanna commit himself to a workaholic bitch like me? c'mon Tina."
"i hate you."
"i know you do." a small laugh escapes her and Beth continues doing her work.
Tina moves her gaze from her friend and looks at the scenery outside of the cafe and her mind wonders to Martin and the possible future without him and everything else cramps in her head and all she wishes right now is to have a big part of Beth's nonchalantness in her so that she can live her life again.
"hey Tina, you alright?" Beth asks with concern in her voice.
"oh hey? yeah? oh i'm fine, just you know..." Tina answers.
"give it time. you'll be alright." Beth says and she reaches out and holds Tina's hand.
"i will be. don't worry." Tina smiles and she feels something inside her begins to distort bit by bit, by bit.
p.s: i miss writing a story like this.
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