what heartbreak feels like.

the first moment you wake up, you are in a losing battle with yourself.

your soul is ripped apart. your heart is broken into tiny pieces. you walk with weak legs, your eyes are dull. your smiles are forced. your eyes are watery, your heart feels heavy and hollow. there is air in it, unwanted air. you are breathing yet you feel like you are chocking. you breathe and the world is spinning and time is ticking, but it feels like as if nothing around you is happening. you look around people are laughing and smiling, their eyes glittering and there you are trying to do the same but you know your pathetic attempts would not work. faking it to people you can, faking it to yourself, that is a different story altogether. you try to fit in but it just does not feel right, as if you are that odd piece of puzzle that does not belong to the other pieces. your heart is thumping, awkwardly. you grab your chest. it is not physical pain you feel, it is something more profound than that. something that you feel but you cannot explain to people. you sit down on a bench and you close your eyes to breathe hoping that it will make you feel better. it does somehow, but the effect is for just a moment; a brief moment. so you try to smile and talk to people while you are sitting down but the words that come out of you are just mumbles, mumbles that people understand and when they reply you just mumble some more things until you say, hey i need a moment, so you get up and walk away without knowing where to go because your mind cannot think straight because it cannot think of anything else. it is jammed by thoughts of thoughts of imaginations and realities and possibilities which are endless. your heart keeps on thumping and you just want it to stop but it will not stop so you carry yourself around with that annoying thumping for the rest of the day. 

the next day you wake up, the battle starts all over again.

p.s: and nothing ever feels right.