loser.

so many things i have said, so many things i have written, so many things left unsaid and unwritten. the pain that comes with this is unbearable. maybe because it's still early in the process, or maybe because i have to get used to it.

the thing is, i love you. i don't know what else to say. the more you try to push me away the more i'll try to crawl back to you, bleeding and all. so much pain, you have gone through with me, and what i am feeling now may not equate to the amount of pain i have caused you, but all i want you to know is i'm sorry. 

i am not angry, i am not annoyed, i am not upset, i know your cruelty and coldness, their source, i know. i don't blame you. i never will. from the moment you uttered those words to me, my heart sank, but i know, the damage's done, and even if i wish a million times, nothing could undo what has been done. things will never be the same. i understand that, i know.

but if you do, open up your heart for me, a little bit, even, i would not waste it. you'll be the most loved person in the world. 

all i can do is hope. hope for the best.

p.s: i'm dying, only you, the one killing me, can save me.